Who and what are we?

Why must you sit there smiling, eyes always looking through me, treating me with kindness to be the best that I can be.

No hidden motives, nothing to gain, just a caring friend - until I am a little more than yesterdays days end.

No where near my very best, a few weeks sobriety - and suddenly its clear to him, that he's in love with me.

Still he says he's being kind, and honest with intent, thirty years my elder maybe were both just bent?

I want to trust and to believe that what he says is true- but if it was then why is it my insides are a skewed?

I want to stay and keep this friend whos helped me on my way but everything he does now leaves me feeling played

A subtle glance, a giddy dance, an arm rested next to mine, and once again I must confess I need to keep my body mine.

No holding hands, no friendly hugs, stop pushing the boundaries - I'm slowly isolating and back to questioning.

I've seen him angry, cold, and hard, the way he needs to sometimes be - but with his turned off shut out heart I'm afraid he'll hurt me.

What options do I have to take now that I've seen both sides? Carry on with being me and just enjoy the ride?

Or do I shut out who I am, could be potentially, so I can manipulate him into hating me?

The back and forth of who I am and who I want to be seems to be the struggle keeping me from being free.