When Summer is Over

You told me once about your dream of us eating anchovies by the beach but then you changed your mind about eating animals .

And all I could remember from last summer were our long walks in the park, and you, confessing to me that nobody else had ever held your hand;

You were scared to let go and I was too proud to say I love you too.

Oh, we are a mess, human flesh drowning in uncontrollable desires and mistakes, we are more than one thing and not all of those things are good.

The truth is complicated, multi-vocal, bittersweet and too often hidden:

You may never know how many times I have relived that hot summer day we went to Holland Park for the first time;

You may never know how much I hurt every time you walked me down the station and we said goodbye.

I sat at the airport wondering if you were still complaining about the heat, or was I the only thing on your mind?

Summer is gone; your time and mine - everybody’s time accelerating, and the sky above - a sad blue place. How many days have we actually got left in this world?

I go back to California and you cotninue to live with our summer memories, waiting for my return.

In my mind you stand in front of your mirror imagining I am next to you and then you cry eating pasta, you dream.

In my mind you always say "Come back to bed".

I promise there will be no more goodbyes – I will walk through your dreams and invent the perfect future for us.

Until then, I will sit in the back of the car as the lights go by, waiting for summer.