What to do?

What do you do when you’re stuck in a rut do you make a fuss or shut the fuck up.

Everyone has been there before but isn’t quite sure how they got off the floor. I find my self listening to frank ocean and crying about how I want more but how do I start to obtain when I’ve never had anything before.

Love life none existent

Sex life depressing

Emotions all over the place and I can’t help stressing over things I can’t fix

My thoughts are in shambles I don’t know how to alprocess anything anymore

One minute I’m angry the next I’m sobbing then I’m just sad but no matter how all over the place my emotions get they never randomly land on happy.

Why am I so unhappy?

How do I obtain happiness?

Should I eat better?

Should I exercise?

Should I do my makeup?

Should I get in a relationship?

Should I isolate myself?

Should I surround myself with people?

Should I stop watching tv?

Should I watch Mulan on repeat?

Should I clean my room?

Should I keep it dirty?

Should I ask for help?

Never mind that not an option cause nobody truly know the answer because everyone’s happiness is different. You have to loose your peace of mind to find some peace of mind but I’ve never known peace of mind to begin with so what do I do now? How do I know this isn’t peace for me? What if this is peace for me? What if being sad is my place in life? What if my happiness only stems from outside things making me smile. What if I’m already dead in hell forced to repeat this cycle of unhappiness never to know the true meaning of actually being more instead of just wanting. And in this hell happiness is constantly flaunted in front of me while I’m stuck wonder what the fuck is wrong with me why can’t I have the feeling that they’ve obtained so easily. They all say how it wasn’t easy and how they struggled. The struggle has been embedded in me before I was born is happiness just supposed to soar over my generation and go on to my sister. I wouldn’t mind too much but it sure would fucking suck and if things don’t change I won’t be around to see if that’s what happened. I maybe “strong” but my mind is weakening I hold knifes as if they have the answer hold it at my heart and will my hand to move but I snap out before I apply pressure. I’m afraid I might succumb soon. Theres no one out there to save me so how do I save myself from myself. I have to do this on my own I just hope the answer I come up with is the right one and not just the easiest