What is Love Even Supposed to Be

I don't think I know what love is anymore,

or maybe just the act of being in love,

I know the times I have felt it,

the adrenaline attached to it,

and the desire to have it again,

but the love I knew,

may not have even been real,

the love I thought I knew,

was probably too good to be true,

to once again chase a love like my first,

to have the desire and the thirst,

for someone as if they are my water,

making up 60 percent of who I am,

and a part of what keeps me alive,

It all seems unrealistic now,

I have matured and grown,

My person no longer feels like my fire,

fueling my desire to live,

And maybe that's better for me,

but you see,

I am not quite sure what love is supposed to be now,

I have felt love for someone,

desired them, dreamed a life with them,

Loved them, but was never in love with them,

I don't know if it's my past that distracts me from being able to see,

from truly being able to breathe the air,

where you know love is everything that is there,

every breath you breathe, that one person you see,

you just know you love them,

Is it who I date, or is there something wrong with me,

Am I overthinking,

poking new holes from past sinkings,

Or is love supposed to mean something else,

where my water no longer engulfs me,

but are the nutrients that pours over me,

that my person isn't the air I breathe,

but the wind of encouragement bustling between my leaves,

Is growing to love someone,

the mature way of being in love,

is it the seeds to believe in?

instead of the flower you already see,

honestly,

What is being in love really supposed to be.