We Fall

I can't decide if feeling everything immensely

is worse

than feeling nothing at all.

It is better

to be with someone and care tremendously

than not care in the slightest?

I feel. I am intuitive to a fault.

I am the former versus the latter.

I can only speak from my end of the spectrum.

My heart stretches out of my ribs,

reaching out for freedom from these chains.

I am so tired.

I am tired of setting it loose,

letting it search for a spirit to reciprocate

the love it harbors deeply for them;

Just to be horribly disappointed again.

I am tired of it giving away my everything,

exposing me bare, naked,

just to have others tear open new wounds.

Just to be left bleeding again.

I am tired of this heart of mine craving,

aching,

pleading,

begging to love,

but I am too afraid of love.

Just to be broken after the washout of the attempt at love.

But I, who tries so desperately to feel nothing anymore,

knows that this pounding in my chest,

its screaming at me,

wanting to feel everything and more,

but cannot due to this prison of my own weakness.

We ask each other:

What is worse?

To live each day, letting your heart be your guide,

leaving yourself open to all,

or

To live each day, locking your heart in manacles,

shoving it down behind your stomach.

We look at each other, this heart of mine and I.

Opposite ends, questioning each other's decision.

Are you right? Are you happier?

Am I right? Am I safe?

I don't know.

We don't know.

We fall, fighting and coping the best way we know how.

My heart, pulling against these shackles, slumping against the bars,

yelling,

hiding nothing and exposing everything.

Myself, falling into the trench I fabricated to block out the surge,

the waves,

hiding everything and exposing nothing.

We fall.