very lovely morning

You sit, pretty, on my twin bed, lofted somewhere halfway between my ceilings and my pale blue rug. I didn’t pick it out myself; my roommate and I had chosen another one, but it was unavailable, so she went with this one. We'd split it, initially, but she’s moving and doesn’t need it. I took it. I’m glad you’re here, but I also hate it. You know I like to be alone, but I like to be with you and I don’t like you being with someone else. I’m not jealous but I totally am. You call me pretty but there are so many pretty girls. So many pretty girls notice you. You said once you didn’t mind if I never gave you peace, but everybody thinks that until the moment comes. Abandonment is the blink of an eye and a knife that’s been twisting in your chest but you hadn’t noticed cus your eyes were closed! Sorry, this isn’t about me. Your pretty, pretty, hair looks so pretty, golden underneath the morning sun seeping ever so slightly through my window curtains. It’s supposed to be sunny today and I’m so glad I don’t have work because you want to take me out. You said it’s on you. I want to cry being around you. You hold me so tight but you still don’t squeeze me. I keep waiting for you to squeeze me and I’m so unprepared, I don’t know what I’ll do if you do. “If”, I’m not sure when I stopped thinking “when”. I want to crawl back to you and let you do just that. Sometimes I wonder what I’d need to do for that to happen, and if I’d do it. Sometimes I consider it. I could get this over with for us, take this moment and print it, hang it on the wall, and put it in a box the next year. Except, I can’t imagine no you.