To Love Him

I asked myself

What was it like to fall in love with him?

And the answer wasn’t as obvious as you’d think

It wasn’t because of his eyes, although they saw right through me

It wasn’t his smile, although it could stop me dead in my tracks

It wasn’t his body, although it felt so good against mine

It wasn’t his confidence, although he lit up every room he walked into

No no

It was more complex than that

I fell in love with him for the way he challenged me, made me question everything I thought love was supposed to be

I fell in love with him for the way he called me out on my shit and never let me feel sorry for myself

I fell in love with him for the way he made me feel beautiful, even when I wasn’t dolled up or dressed in anything more than a baggy shirt

I fell in love with him for the way he made me feel safe, calming my nerves with his voice and his presence

I fell in love with him for the way he looked at me, as if he’d been searching for me

I fell in love with him for his ambition and the way he wanted better for himself

I fell in love with him for the way he loves my kids

I fell in love with him for giving my heart a home.

I fell in love with him for the way he loves me

He was nothing that I expected and everything all at once

I never saw him coming

Finding him was like staring in the face everything I've ever been afraid of and running straight into it anyways

He's the only boy who could make me love the way I hate him in an argument

The only boy who could piss me off one second and have me laughing the next

The only boy who I can’t help but smile at when I see him. Everyime I see him

The only boy who can make me so wet without even having to touch me

I was a little fucked up when he met me, but he knew that.

He saw me, and loved me anyway.

So, what was it like to fall in love with him?

Falling in love with him was like the moment at the end of the race,

After all the effort and hard work, countless hours of training and practicing

All the failures and triumphs, the cheers and tears

It was the moment at the end of the race, where you take that deep breath and realize you made it.