Thoughts at 5am

5 o’clock in the morning and my mind is just racing

Tryna figure out how to be better then I start pacing pacing

Back and forth back and forth

What’s the point of my life if I was jus made to suffer

So this can’t be it I need to be tougher

I need to better to my fam and friends and get out of this depression why am I so sad when I know niggas got it worst

It’s me feel bad being this dramatic I am cursed with thoughts that don’t console me thoughts that won’t heal me the only voice inside is telling me I should kill me

I walk a fine line between being fine and depressed waiting to fall on one then figure out how to get out this mess

If I’m better I need to show it

If I’m prone to being hopeless I need to know now so I won’t fall into despair and squirt nair all over my hair just to watch something of my design play out how it should so I can finally say I had control over something even if it is only my looks

All of the books I have can’t save me from my reality and it’s really bugging me cause I need to finish that one about alchemy it’s about going on your personal journey despite how crazy it may seem just because it’s a dream doesn’t mean it isn’t who you’re meant to be even if it isn’t how you pictured it it’s something made just for you I would love to just finish it and realize my life isn’t all for naught but I can’t get past a fucking page without my thoughts bombarding my brain preventing me from being captivated I’m tired of not being able to focus on anything other than cartoons I just want to lay in a tomb so my mind can finally shut the fuck up and let me be no stress no life just me in an endless sleep