Then & Now

my heart feels betrayed

I gave it to you without hesitation,

not a single cell in my body fought.

nothing felt wrong.

I only felt right, so right I had to

write it down immediately

I wrote a song thinking about the

way your lips brushed my shoulder

blades.

I formed a melody with every fingertip

tracing you drew

my heart moved to the beat of your head nod.

Damn,

you got me so good, and

you had no fucking idea.

I was all in from the first accidental

kiss.

you took me without hesitation.

you didn't let me go that way, though.

instead, you decided to keep me

in your bed

in your head

but, never

the heart. unlike the ones we wear on our sleeves

you kept me at arms distance.

close enough to touch,

with enough space to push away

when your love wasn't enough.

now, I realize it was never

enough.

enough is presence, never-ending, full

enough is all the love I had

opened to you.

you weren't strong enough to

handle all that I am.

I will tell you,

the love I saw in you was a piece I

needed to heal from all the past lovers

who never felt real until I sat down

and cried, only to find that you and them

you're all alike.

not enough,

the way I was convinced to feel after

picking up the pieces

from each doorstep I've stopped

at along the way.

instead, I'm retrieving pieces of love that

remind me I'm already whole.

you are not enough.

now that I've moved out of the illusion

your fingertips created, I realize you

never

felt right

it was the love, the capacity,

it was me.

the feeling I was able to give you.

that

that is what felt right.