The Pouring Rain

I got advice ,

and it devoured my brain like lice .

As a child I hid my emotions.

The only feeling was anger & lashing out was my only motion.

I always wonder what I’ve been missing .

The people trying to give me live while I’m over here dissing .

Was it sex ? or just man fatherly?

Was it a mother & daughter relationship ?

What was it that sell this ship ?

I sit here in the pouring rain heartbroken over a relationship that wouldn’t go anywhere .

Why am I upset?Why do I even care .

Why am I wasting my precious tears .

When I’ve had the same shit happens all of these years .

You think being vulnerable and letting down you wall.,

It would be great ,closure but there it was it.

I watched it crumbled and fall.

Sitting in the rain soothes me,

Even though my train of thought ,drove me insane .

Lightning striking and the tears fall.

Holding my abdomen and absorbing it all.

A second strain of tears came .

Is God crying too or is this just rain?

I shattered the glass on the wet concrete&I thought that would subside the tears from his narcissistic ass.

Instead it brought more rage ,at last.

My heart was the 1st glass that was broken.

The 2nd glass words of anger that I wish were spoken.

I sit there full of sorrow but I felt numb,

Why would I get myself into a predicament,sooo dumb.

I guess my dad saying was right .

“Young dumb & full of cum”

What about “Old, Solipsistic Horny&Lonely”

Or better yet “You’re am old Nrut just needed to bust his Nut

I did one lap around the parking lot .

Thinking of a revenge or fill my empty pot.

Felt right at first ,but still didn’t hit the spot .

The man asked if I wanted something to eat.

Do I look like I’m starving?

I have shoes on my feet .

20 minutes later I looked up to the sky.

Lighting like hell and still I cry

God didn’t strike me ,why?

After 5 more minutes my friends came down.

With 2umbrellas and she held it over us ,didn’t make sense.

She talked while my tears clinched

I’m soaking wet over here I’m drenched.

She had no shoes on and talk to me.

Told me her yelling and glassing breaking from 2 fellows .

I laugh and told her it was me .

It’s crazy how the office lady didn’t see.

She told me her husband went looking for me and she called texted me.

At that moment I felt like I had mommy&daddy.

She explained emotion to me and how keeping it in effects you.

I tried writing but counseling ughh,idk what to do.

The rain stops and she gives me some space.

She don’t go back inside and hurt yourself,

My heart begin to race .

I grabbed a snack ,a towel and something to drink,

I have something for story time.

Another poem this will be great I think.

Walking in the rain @10pm might seem dumb and psychotic.

But I’m human and you’re human.

And this symbolic.

Rather you’re filling yourself drugs,alcohol,sex ,self harming pain.

Every once in a while you’ll have a day where you sit “in pouring rain”