The Final Grand Finale!

For years I’ve been hooked.

On writing My Story as a book.

I always get stuck,

in the traumatic muck.

But that changed,

And in my mind I rearranged.

January 20, 2021 was the day,

I discovered another way!

A little black book writing contest!

I’ll do my best!

To write My Story in rhyme

this time.

I wrote my mother a letter.

Asking her to do me better

than in the past.

To at least help me at last.

Please, before I die...

Answer me...Why?

I got a return letter from my mother,

the one and only another…

This is what she wrote,

I don’t know.

Here’s a check for 20 grand,

To help you to understand,

you are strong and you are a fighter,

but you are not a very good writer.

I hope,

This helps.

Use this money,

entirely,

to pay someone else,

to tell your tales.

Because you will surely fail!

My last wish

is this,

At least about your youth,

Please, don’t tell the truth.

Save me my shame,

use a different name.

Nobody but you needs to know

Just how your story goes.

So, please and thank you, if you would...

To me, Ann Nonymous sounds good.

I’ve always been a procrastinator,

I found out it’s better to do sooner than later:

when I started this revised journey of mine,

All of these new creations,

So many possible combinations!

I’m not short on words, but short on time!

Tomorrow’s the deadline!

So, I’m in a hurry!

I must scurry!

I believe it is time now to set sail,

telling these bales of tales.

By myself,

With nobody else.

I know she still thinks she has the power,

to make me cower.

But, surprise!

Not this time!

I do not wish to be,

anyone other than me!

With my door slightly ajar,

I sat in my cozy nook...

Writing and reading in my small black notebook.

Remembering each and every page.

Brittle and faded with age.

Tear stained and tattered.

All that really matters is,

How Bizarre* it is!

My mother’s check bounced!

Not enough money in her account.

I lost hope for help,

to stop myself.

In need of some help with self improvement,

I had to see Dr Newman...

I could not help it!

Nor could I quell it!

These words in my head keep burning.

Constantly twisting and turning.

Into something else...

Here, see for yourself.

Look in my laptop.

Please make it stop!

I asked for medication.

She recommended an evaluation...

I sighed.

She cried,

you need to take

a break.

Take some time to replenish.

So that you win when you finish!

She handed me an envelope.

On it she wrote I hope, no, I know.

You need this more than me.

And, make sure you pee before you leave.

I looked at the Dr. and the Dr. said,

This will stop the words when you rest your head!

I thanked her as I closed the door.

Inside were 2 tickets for a 10-day cruise/vacation.

A totally out of my mind invitation!

I discovered that she had given me,

A cruise with both the Poetic and Psychiatry Societies.

Once on board,

I reaped reward!

But not just by placing a $20,000 bet,

on the game of roulette.

My first spin...

I did win!

What a trip!

A healing gift!

So many times she tried...

to improve my life.

She said she wasn’t doing her job,

if I continued to sob.

At her insistence,

with my written permission,

she posted some stuff...

about me and such,

on her social media site.

And, overnight,

with my consent and her intent,

whatever it was that she sent,

passed vocal and went viral!

The words continued to spiral!

Too good to be bad!

Am I going mad?

Up, up and away!

Only to find out in just 10 days…

When I arrived home from the cruise...

I received some surprising news.

The Psychiatric Society,

sent to me,

a prescription, if you will...

to finally kill,

ONLY the pain inside of me!

To be used, they hope,

to help,

find myself;

at a place they called a quiet retreat?

Is this what’s really meant for me?

No. Too slow.

DAMN!\

An all expenses paid trip to Cheyenne!

This beautiful property

belonged to the Poetic Society!

I spent time on a mountain, in a tree-top cabin…

Havin’,

too much fun!

And I’m still not done!

Because, I’m finding myself, deep in the woods.

Doing way better than good!

Realization is rough,

Self-analyzation is too much!

Everything is in and of itself.

For me, as well as, everyone else!

I put myself to the test,

with this little black notebook writing contest.

With the many words I ran,

toward the 20 grand!

Because, this is where I began,

No longer aching.

Make no mistaking,

I believe I am taking,

this so-called platform,

by beautiful, poetic storm!

All to transform,

Me.

Into what I should have known I could be.

Only now, taken again, even more seriously.

With these revisions,

I’m on another mission,

to prove that truth is far better than fiction!

Where should I look?

I found my little black notebook.

Because, once upon a time,

I wrote a lot in rhyme.

So I thought, what the heck...

maybe I'll follow in my own footsteps.

I never knew why I never shared.

But I knew now that I cared!

Inside was so amazingly frightening!

Which made it OMG! Enlightening!

So many poems written by hand.

So many things she might not understand.

So, I started writing a letter,

Maybe it would help me feel better.

To my dearest darling, CJ,

I thank God for you each and every day!

I hope when you are old enough,

You will clearly see some stuff.

As I do, I hope you do too.

Only you and I knew...I more than paid the price,

With my deteriorating mental sacrifice.

And that is only because of you I didn’t share,

and that it is, because I care!

That makes all of this just for you.

Always be genuine, kind, honest, and true.

Keep your head up and your mind and eyes open.

And, always remember I’ll always be hoping...

That with some help,

you will someday find your real self!

Don't let the past define, or confine,

Like me. Stay strong! Be free!

Love Always, Me

Of this, I am the master-mind,

of intertwined,

and now combined.

My mind is centered.

On how many different times I could enter.

Remaining within word count limitations,

Exceeding my own expectations!

Each could stand alone,

on their own.

But, they can also go, together,

Seemingly for forever,

As one.

When I am finally done...

What I have done with this task is…

Put all of my eggs in one basket.

My mother’s $20,000 check finally cleared the bank.

To my special Sugar, I give my thanks!

I concur,

without her,

none of this,

would exist.

So, please, honor my wish,

when I win and get published,

just call me, Ann Nonymous!

Anonymous is how to pronounce it,

when you make my vocal announcement!

My request,

to remain anonymous,

because, all of this,

is…

Just a small part of a much bigger deal!

For real!

I realize I have become a big dreamer…

And, I have also turned into a big believer!

Not just in Me...

But, in that, this, is... The Final Grand Finale!

I screamed,

Or so it seemed.

Do I dare, to take another chance,

The final dance?

With my little black notebook and/or writing contest entries,

another chapter my first book.

Maybe just one last look,

I found another poem of mine,

I hate,

that it doesn’t have a title or date.

I hadn’t even done capitalization or punctuation...

love is such a complex and powerful emotion

as vast and deep as any ocean

yielding senseless inner chaos and commotion

leaving in its wake almost infinite possibilities

from strengthening of desires and abilities

to weakening the defenses and fragilities

love seems to take total control

of everyone each person as a whole

seizing all of the heart mind body and soul

it warms the heart and makes it melt, before it bleeds

the mind knows not what it really needs

though it tries desperately to take the lead

the body yearns only to become disgraced

and the soul rejoices but eventually it too aches

all that's left is a hollow empty space

one must fully understand and appreciate

there is a fine line between love and hate

one is willful one is fate

These days my heart, mind, body, and soul,

have all grown old.

So, this is how this part of My Story gets told…

To me, at least, pure gold…

I found myself in the greatest situation...

On March 12, I received the email notification...

That this would be the closing part of the publication.

Over 16,000 entries and it’s been decided...

Within the guidelines you resided…

And since you revised it...

It’s been heard...

That your way with word...

Somewhat deep and absurd...

Without flaw...

Real and raw...

Left us in aw…

Truths about sorrows and sinning...

You submitted numerous attempts at winning...

So...We grant you...This...Another beginning…

Think long and hard about this...

Life gave you plenty of material to work with…

And all we ask of you is…

To hope,

That with some help,

You will become your better self.

But you set your sights even higher,

So, take this as a reminder...

A 20,000 dollar writing binder!

This is an incredible offer!

You are now an accomplished author!

And you created the perfect conditions,

with your word rhyming and trickery addictions,

For this The Final Grand Finale!

All because you took the time,

to revise,

and refine...

line after line after line…

You have also won the $20,000 grand prize!

Surprise! Surprise!

But, wait a minute!

We’re not quite finished...

with what’s within.

We need for you to sign,

on the dotted line.

Keep in mind,

this contract is meant for you;

it means there’s not much left to do,

because, you now have a ghost-writer too!

Signed, absolutely and completely,

even more, amazed by Me.

You have been blessed!

By your host,

With this Post.

Or, so I thought…

And, so, I caught,

my friend, Louise.

I asked her to please,

do some more proofreading for me.

When she was through,

with her review,

she told me to,

follow her home.

Alone...

A long ago My Friend, Louise,

she herself taught me,

she means what she says, and says what she means.

And she said, this is my kind of green!

It was hard to believe!

She gave me her stash!

$20,000 in cash!

You just can’t beat that!

PPS YES!

Unless…

To mine and my mother’s total shock and disbelief,

On March 13th,

I got an unexpected email.

I did not fail!

I get to tell,

My Story

On live TV!

Because I also won the lottery! $20,000,000!

PPS YES!

Again!

I have a dr’s appointment on March 20th,

Do you think she'll think this is the funniest…

Or will she have me committed?

For this underlying condition,

To become known as A Possibly Poetic Fiction Transition Revision!