That time I cheated on my wife...
a forbidden tale of avocados in lingerie
December 26th, 17:21
Wifey is dressed to kill for
the guests are just about to
knock on our door and
AVOCADOS ARE NEEDED.
Sent on a mission with nothing
but hopelessness
for the odds of stumbling upon
guac-ready avocados
13 minutes before their smashing
are about the same as
being murdered by my striking
wife in her tuxedo jacket.
Open sesame and I am
staring at the fruits and veggies lined up in
their designated coops,
waiting,
waiting
to be traded for coins,
butchered, and eaten alive,
and tadah!
I catch a glimpse of my lovers
glowing
under the neon lights,
and I, oh I am blushing.
There, elegantly stuck between
the tomatoes grown on vines inside
a greenhouse somewhere in Canada,
and the English cucumbers suffocating
in cellophane since
they left from Mexico,
an erection of sleek, slightly eroded shells
the color of burnt wine with a few
grassy specks perfectly scattered.
I lay a sanitized hand on a few...
they gently give in to my fingering thumb
pressed against their skin
and I am dripping, oh I am dripping.
The first lines of an exotic fairytale...
50 shades of green.
Wait...
Am I cheating on my wife right now?
Back in the bedroom kitchen.
Skin peeled, flesh chartreuse
and silk-like... my Aphrodite is now trickling.
Core out, back facing up,
mash the avocados
by applying pressure.
Note: a regular fork works great, but the use of force, manipulation, or threat is not recommended.
Fresh lemon severed lengthwise;
one half in hand, use an index to prompt its juices out,
drench the thick purée.
Fold in a pinch of crushed pink salt crystals and
sprinkle of red peppercorn particules,
splash its peak with a dash of hot sauce....
pure and tangy guacamole
and I moan, oh I moan.
Now,
fantasies need to stop
for I am running late and
my wife may use her tux to
apply gentle pressure on my face.
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About the Creator
Andie Emerson
Queer. Awkward. An anxious wreck, but firm believer in self-work.
Authenticity & progress over illusion & perfectionism.
Makes a living working in home improvement.
C
Comments (1)
This was so good and so funny too!! 🤣 and now I’m left wanting guac and other things hahaha