Sunflower

It’s my fault. I let you take too much of time, too many emotions, too many tears, too much of me. I gave it all to you claiming it was heartache that I still needed to grieve. That the greatest love story wasn’t made and I clung to the hope that one day it would be. I gave you too much of my hope, too much of my future, too much of what I had. I made too much room to mourn you, too much energy looking for you, too much space in my head and in my heart. You took up too much of every part of me and every part around me. Everything reminded me of you, everything broke my heart. I gave you too much. And what did you give me? Silence. Dead silence. You never searched for me. Never came for me. Never fought for me. Never saved me. You left me with heartache and pain so deep it hurt with every step I took. I gave it all, gave all of me to you, for you to mock me. Your silence was nothing more than mockery knowing how much I’d give and how little you’d return. And although you never heard my weeping and screams, we both know you knew I would be. I told you how deeply in love I was. And you acted like a child holding a toy. You loved it for a moment and then left it outdoors. It got rained on, it got tossed and turned by the wind, it got covered in mud and strangled in weeds, waiting for you to remember it again. Yet, you stayed indoors where it was safe, where you clung to the toys that weren’t dirty or torn. And I cried for you, yelled over the wind to come and remember me. And in your silence I have heard everything. I gave you far too much of me. I’ll let you go like I should’ve a long time ago. Acceptance has finally come to give me grace. The love you owed me will die on this ground and I’ll rise from it, tall like sunflowers reaching the sky embracing the sun. The sun watched me carefully waiting for my realization, waiting for the day I’d turn to him again. His warmth always clothed me after every storm reminding me the behind the clouds he was there waiting. He watched me grow and is proud of me for the colors I wear can finally show. I’m more free now than before, waiting for for you was my nightmare but now I’m letting you go.