Standby

Please don’t love me

Don’t look at me with those eyes

Don’t give me that smile

Or be nervous in my eyes

Please don’t-

Well don’t completely block me out

Like you don’t care what I’m about

Like any word I say is a pain

Like I’m just an object of distain

Because I like...

And I haven’t liked in a while

But I can’t love because I’m not ready for it right now

And I actually trust that you won’t let me down but

There’s another fear I have

The person who I am

The traumas that I have

The fears I’ve barely said

What if I told you?

Isn’t that what people in love are supposed to do?

Share their hearts?

I realized I am afraid to give that up

Because like Wagner said,

“If I show the darkest parts of my heart, would you run away?”

And what would hurt more than the pain of unrequited love

Is the pain of your love rejecting your heart

So I’m afraid of feeling that again

Is this what projecting is?

Because I’m afraid of being broken again

And again

And again

And again

Maybe I don’t trust you

You seem too perfect to understand

Understand why I am the way I am

Why I’m shy around certain people while with others I seem to come alive...

I’m not ready to love...

First I need to trust...

But I don’t think you’ll standby