Numbing

I don’t think

Because if I thought, I feel as though, I’d be worse off

Like I wouldn’t be protected by the veil they call naïve

And I’d realize how many times I was broken, torn apart, and deceived

How many times I was left heartbroken because I couldn’t see

How many times I mistakenly thought, “it has to be me.”

I don’t allow myself to feel the pain

And when it comes it erupts in violent flames

Like wishing I wasn’t alive over a simple mistake

or wanting to cut out everyone in my life since I am “too insane”

Like I said, I don’t think

All I can do is breathe

Breathe through my pain

In and out, until the noise dies down

In and out until I’m numbing out

In and out until there’s no more pain

I can’t feel the weight of the world that is crushing my brain

Crushing my lungs, telling my inner self they’ll never be enough

Not worth the time, not worth the love

If I don’t think, I won’t feel any of it at all

So I don’t think,

I won’t think,

So I don’t fall