Content warning
This story may contain sensitive material or discuss topics that some readers may find distressing. Reader discretion is advised. The views and opinions expressed in this story are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Vocal.
Final Entry
The last page of a therapy journal.
"This is the last page of this journal.
A record of strife that I never wish to read through again.
Unfortunately, I will need to buy a new one.
The problems never end, it seems."
I haven't had a catatonic episode since last Wednesday
but my chest constantly feels like it's about to burst,
my mind is so loud it's hard to keep things straight,
spinning like a motor in the red,
my fingers bounce across the desk
wishing it were a piano
as my foot taps the floor at an impossible tempo.
I only wish to distract myself, with music
or perhaps a game, or call a friend,
but there's no time to stop and smell the roses
because if I stop I'm dead.
This anguish is impossible to ignore
like turning your back on a housefire.
What would happen if I let it burn?
The thing is,
I don't know if I can go through trauma like that again.
My body falls limp to prevent a panic attack
and the last one felt like it was frying my brain.
I wanted to scream louder than I have in my life,
to tear my skull out of my head
as if it were the very thing killing me.
It's a scar, an image burned into my mental retinas
and one I only wish I could forget
but the smell of smoke still lingers.
I can't help but think that I'm broken;
My wires are crossed
sending mismatching signals
back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth
until I think I'm in danger every time my Dad says he's proud of me,
until I feel like she's lying when my Mom says she loves me,
until I assume I'm a burden to whoever I'm around,
until I forget what it's like to love myself
and doing so becomes a chore
dirty and laborious,
like replacing the firewood
and sweeping up the ash.
"Last page. What now? I think I'll leave a bit of room just in case."
About the Creator
Enjoyed the story? Support the Creator.
Subscribe for free to receive all their stories in your feed. You could also pledge your support or give them a one-off tip, letting them know you appreciate their work.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insight
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Comments (6)
I must say, reading Angela's "Final Entry" felt like a rollercoaster ride through emotions! That piece hit me right in the feels, then spun me around with its poetic twists and turns. I laughed, I cried, I accidentally spilled my coffee – Angela really knows how to stir those emotions! Brilliant!
So emotional and powerfully worded. Wishing you the best ♥️
Beautifully expressed, richly and believably emotional, with a well-judged note of optimism at the very end. Well deserved Top Story :)
Congrats on TS. I'm really hoping this is a fantastic work of fiction; if not, I'm praying for your health. This is a true emotional roller coaster.
Congrats on TS🎉. Powerful emotions in this poem - loving self becomes a chore like replacing firewood and sweeping up the ash ❣️
Congrats on your top story.