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Split Pea Soup

Disgusting Goop (Blame Donna and Paul)

By ๐‘๐Œ ๐’๐ญ๐จ๐œ๐ค๐ญ๐จ๐งPublished about a year ago โ€ข Updated 8 months ago โ€ข 1 min read
Top Story - July 2023
Image generated by Fotor AI

I was home alone one weekend, had the house all to myself

Mowed the lawn and retired indoors to recoup

Soon I retreated to the kitchen to inspect the pantry shelves

Looking for a hearty lunch of tasty soup

๐Ÿคข

I discovered with excitement, lined up neatly in the back

Those familiar red-white labels on some cans

I did not inspect them closely (not at all, to be exact)

I just opened one and dumped it in a pan

๐Ÿคข

Much to my disappointment, this was no familiar taste

And it glowed a putrid shade of wretched green

With the aftertaste of vomit and consistency of paste

It was the most revolting lunch Iโ€™d ever seen

๐Ÿคข

Split pea soup, that awful goop, it looks just like baby poop

Or perhaps it is recycled monkey vomit

Either way, put down your spoon, itโ€™s not fit to be consumed

It is a most disgusting, vile, foul concoction!

๐Ÿคข

Perhaps the starving kids in China that my father spoke about

Would enjoy this awful flavor more than I

So I quickly went to work, and I cleaned the pantry out

And I bagged the cans to rid them from my life

๐Ÿคข

When my church collected canned goods for the sick and for the poor

I donated all the cans that still remained

Relieved it was offloaded, banned forevermore

I vowed never would I see that soup again

๐Ÿคข

Then just a short time later, I was sick and bound to bed

And it wasnโ€™t long before my pastor rang

Soon the church delivered groceries to nurse me back from nearly dead

And that repulsive soup had somehow boomeranged!

๐Ÿคข

Split pea soup, that awful goop, it looks just like baby poop

Or perhaps it is recycled monkey vomit

Either way, put down your spoon, itโ€™s not fit to be consumed

It is a most disgusting, vile, foul concoction!

humor

About the Creator

๐‘๐Œ ๐’๐ญ๐จ๐œ๐ค๐ญ๐จ๐ง

หœโ€*ยฐโ€ข.หœโ€*ยฐโ€ข Time is our most valuable asset. Thank you for spending some of your time with me! โ€ขยฐ*โ€หœ.โ€ขยฐ*โ€หœ

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Comments (33)

  • Daphsam8 months ago

    Ha ha ha, the way you wrote. This was awesome. Iโ€™ve had some really good split pea soup in my time and then Iโ€™ve had the watery mess, which is what you described. ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘

  • Rachel Deeming10 months ago

    Fantastic! That split pea soup was your destiny. Made me laugh! I have to say that I've never had it but if I ever have a craving for monkey vomit, I'll be sure to try it.

  • Mackenzie Davis10 months ago

    Ooh! I love that you repeated that stanza as the last! Fantastic all around, RM, I wanted to puke reading this, and I love homemade split pea soup. I'm convinced it would be terrible canned, though...ew

  • L.C. Schรคfer10 months ago

    Yuk! I'm not surprised it cam back again (in more ways than one) ๐Ÿคฎ is this autobiographical?

  • Real Poetic11 months ago

    Came back to reread this.

  • Jay Kantor11 months ago

    Hi Rob - So sorry I've missed this - Your 'Goop' may be someone else's Feast - We would go on weekend trips up the coast to Andersen's Split Pea ~ Solvang ~ and load up. btw; Someone is stealing our stories and posting them as theirs. This has happened to my "Popsicle" Verbatim. Please check your precious stories to see if this has happened to you; it has been done to over 44 of us. Our Judey has been so very helpful (see comments under her TOP 'Plagiarism') - So nice that our little Village has one another's back. Jay Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California 'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Author Community -

  • Great Job โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฏalso Congratulations on your Top Story๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ฅ

  • Heather Hublerabout a year ago

    Congratulations on the Top Story!! What a 'revolting' take on Donna and Paul's food challenge, lol :) I'm not a fan of the green goop either!

  • Darby S. Fisherabout a year ago

    I love this! It's so funny and well-written. Great job!

  • Emma Kate Colemanabout a year ago

    Perfectly relatable!! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Although the starving children my father talked about were in Africaโ€ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜… Well done!! ๐Ÿ‘

  • Paul Stewartabout a year ago

    oh my god, lol! Never had the stuff and based on your description and hilarious, awesome poem, I never will. Congrats on the Top Story - so well deserved, Rob and thanks for getting involved in the insanity Donna and I seem to have created! Also...thank you for your kindness (you know what I mean!) it's greatly appreciated and was completely a shock!

  • Thavien Yliasterabout a year ago

    Canned split pea soup? Never had it. So yeah, can probably say that You messed up there by going the canned route. Split pea soup is best when made fresh. Season it well, don't leave it alone. Add in some flavor with a big ham bone. Split pea soup, is not like steamed peas. Don't compare them together, puh-leaze. Add in some garlic, maybe an onion too. Simple things make a world's of difference. They really do.

  • Jennifer Davidabout a year ago

    Light and relatable! Love the format choice!

  • Judey Kalchik about a year ago

    Nice twist- didn't see that coming. The way you repeated a verse was like a refrain- i could see this being a Jim Reeves-type song.

  • Tiffany Gordon about a year ago

    Awesome work! Congrats on your TOP STORY!

  • D. ALEXANDRA PORTERabout a year ago

    ๐Ÿ˜ฒ LOL! Loved the twist near the end! ๐Ÿ˜‚ Congratulations on Top Story! ๐Ÿ‘

  • Congratulations on your Hilarious Top Story๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Real Poeticabout a year ago

    Congrats!! ๐ŸŽ‰ Well-deserved.

  • Babs Iversonabout a year ago

    LOL!!! Soup being returned to you was hilarious!!! Loved it!!!โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’•

  • J. S. Wadeabout a year ago

    Recycled monkey vomit ๐Ÿคข๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ This awesome RM ๐Ÿ‘

  • Kristen Balyeatabout a year ago

    Haha! Love that it came back to haunt you! ๐Ÿ˜‚ such a good one! Congrats on top story!

  • Donna Reneeabout a year ago

    yay!! Congratulations on the Top Story!

  • Melissa Ingoldsbyabout a year ago

    I think it looks yummy lol but I appreciate your poem๐ŸŒŸcongrats on your top story!!

  • Cathy holmesabout a year ago

    Yay. Congrats on the TS.

  • Dana Crandellabout a year ago

    There ya go. Congratulations, RM!

๐‘๐Œ ๐’๐ญ๐จ๐œ๐ค๐ญ๐จ๐งWritten by ๐‘๐Œ ๐’๐ญ๐จ๐œ๐ค๐ญ๐จ๐ง

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