Split Pea Soup
Disgusting Goop (Blame Donna and Paul)
I was home alone one weekend, had the house all to myself
Mowed the lawn and retired indoors to recoup
Soon I retreated to the kitchen to inspect the pantry shelves
Looking for a hearty lunch of tasty soup
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I discovered with excitement, lined up neatly in the back
Those familiar red-white labels on some cans
I did not inspect them closely (not at all, to be exact)
I just opened one and dumped it in a pan
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Much to my disappointment, this was no familiar taste
And it glowed a putrid shade of wretched green
With the aftertaste of vomit and consistency of paste
It was the most revolting lunch Iโd ever seen
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Split pea soup, that awful goop, it looks just like baby poop
Or perhaps it is recycled monkey vomit
Either way, put down your spoon, itโs not fit to be consumed
It is a most disgusting, vile, foul concoction!
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Perhaps the starving kids in China that my father spoke about
Would enjoy this awful flavor more than I
So I quickly went to work, and I cleaned the pantry out
And I bagged the cans to rid them from my life
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When my church collected canned goods for the sick and for the poor
I donated all the cans that still remained
Relieved it was offloaded, banned forevermore
I vowed never would I see that soup again
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Then just a short time later, I was sick and bound to bed
And it wasnโt long before my pastor rang
Soon the church delivered groceries to nurse me back from nearly dead
And that repulsive soup had somehow boomeranged!
๐คข
Split pea soup, that awful goop, it looks just like baby poop
Or perhaps it is recycled monkey vomit
Either way, put down your spoon, itโs not fit to be consumed
It is a most disgusting, vile, foul concoction!
About the Creator
๐๐ ๐๐ญ๐จ๐๐ค๐ญ๐จ๐ง
หโ*ยฐโข.หโ*ยฐโข Time is our most valuable asset. Thank you for spending some of your time with me! โขยฐ*โห.โขยฐ*โห
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She loves me
She loved me. When I was small and my wee stayed to the paper. When I was rumpled skin and floppy big paws and big eyes looking up and waiting for her hands to find me, scooping me up and bringing me into her. And we were happy, so happy, so very, very happy. I was so happy to see her and danced my circles so she'd know how much I wanted nothing more than for her to hold me. I'd wrap, wiggle, wiggle and wrap my growing body with my bestest happy dance, slumping and kerplumping into her warm parts just like she liked me to. She was there and I was there, and we were there together, and it was perfect. Oh, how she loved me! We spent all our time together, playing inside, outside, up, down, going round and round. And she petted me and called me good girl when I made poops, and sometimes when I weed in her front yard or the neighbor's, and I was the best girl. For her, I really was! And she scratched me behind my ears, and it was heaven. I aowooo my joy! And she aowoooed hers too.
By Christy Munson6 days ago in Fiction
Comments (33)
Ha ha ha, the way you wrote. This was awesome. Iโve had some really good split pea soup in my time and then Iโve had the watery mess, which is what you described. ๐๐๐๐๐
Fantastic! That split pea soup was your destiny. Made me laugh! I have to say that I've never had it but if I ever have a craving for monkey vomit, I'll be sure to try it.
Ooh! I love that you repeated that stanza as the last! Fantastic all around, RM, I wanted to puke reading this, and I love homemade split pea soup. I'm convinced it would be terrible canned, though...ew
Yuk! I'm not surprised it cam back again (in more ways than one) ๐คฎ is this autobiographical?
Came back to reread this.
Hi Rob - So sorry I've missed this - Your 'Goop' may be someone else's Feast - We would go on weekend trips up the coast to Andersen's Split Pea ~ Solvang ~ and load up. btw; Someone is stealing our stories and posting them as theirs. This has happened to my "Popsicle" Verbatim. Please check your precious stories to see if this has happened to you; it has been done to over 44 of us. Our Judey has been so very helpful (see comments under her TOP 'Plagiarism') - So nice that our little Village has one another's back. Jay Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, California 'Senior' Vocal Author - Vocal Author Community -
Great Job โค๏ธ๐ฏalso Congratulations on your Top Story๐๐๐ฅ
Congratulations on the Top Story!! What a 'revolting' take on Donna and Paul's food challenge, lol :) I'm not a fan of the green goop either!
I love this! It's so funny and well-written. Great job!
Perfectly relatable!! ๐ Although the starving children my father talked about were in Africaโฆ ๐ฌ๐ Well done!! ๐
oh my god, lol! Never had the stuff and based on your description and hilarious, awesome poem, I never will. Congrats on the Top Story - so well deserved, Rob and thanks for getting involved in the insanity Donna and I seem to have created! Also...thank you for your kindness (you know what I mean!) it's greatly appreciated and was completely a shock!
Canned split pea soup? Never had it. So yeah, can probably say that You messed up there by going the canned route. Split pea soup is best when made fresh. Season it well, don't leave it alone. Add in some flavor with a big ham bone. Split pea soup, is not like steamed peas. Don't compare them together, puh-leaze. Add in some garlic, maybe an onion too. Simple things make a world's of difference. They really do.
Light and relatable! Love the format choice!
Nice twist- didn't see that coming. The way you repeated a verse was like a refrain- i could see this being a Jim Reeves-type song.
Awesome work! Congrats on your TOP STORY!
๐ฒ LOL! Loved the twist near the end! ๐ Congratulations on Top Story! ๐
Congratulations on your Hilarious Top Story๐๐๐๐๐
Congrats!! ๐ Well-deserved.
LOL!!! Soup being returned to you was hilarious!!! Loved it!!!โฅ๏ธโฅ๏ธ๐
Recycled monkey vomit ๐คข๐คฃ๐คฃ This awesome RM ๐
Haha! Love that it came back to haunt you! ๐ such a good one! Congrats on top story!
yay!! Congratulations on the Top Story!
I think it looks yummy lol but I appreciate your poem๐congrats on your top story!!
Yay. Congrats on the TS.
There ya go. Congratulations, RM!