sea of flowers.

I remember the last time we met,

And just how beautiful you were.

The way your eyes glistened

And how your lips made me so sure

Of everything and nothing all at once.

You remind me how I’ve never known real love.

And you make me remember

What it means to have fun.

I remember how the sun felt on my skin

As I laid there in the grass with you that day.

I used to love the way you caressed my skin

And how you would joke about me being gay.

I used to hate how madly in love I was with you,

And how I only ever wanted to be with you;

How you consumed almost every thought of mine.

The day we met I really lost my mind.

You would buy me gifts and pick flowers.

Almost every hour you would ask if I was alright.

I would say I was fine

But really I couldn’t stop freaking out

Because the thought of you made me lose my mind.

Every single night I waited.

Something in my brain told me you would have to go.

And something else told me it was part of the show.

I don’t know if you ever think of me,

But I know I can’t forget our story.

So bittersweet, it’s almost sour to taste.

The thought of you still consumes my brain

And oftentimes I forget you’re not here with me anymore.

Sometimes I forget that you aren’t in my world anymore.

Sometimes I cry about it

And it doesn’t help to know you’d be there for me.

Like when my dog died

And you were there to bring me back to life.

You were such a beautiful light in my world.

Sometimes I see your posts and I wonder,

“Does he miss me like I miss him?”

Or do you just think of me as a blunder?

I know we didn’t end poorly

But I think I would be sorely mistaken

If I didn’t take the time to think

That maybe I’m the one to blame.

Anyways.

Allow me to recall

Those days we would lay in the leaves.

From summer to fall we were,

And somehow I convinced myself you wouldn’t leave.

The days right after were all a blur,

But I still do remember how you smelled.

I still do remember how you fell for me;

That smile on your face and how it faded so quickly.

The dimples on your face and how they pierced my mortal being.

I could never forget those days in the field,

How you would playfully call me weird

And then take it back

When you thought you hurt my feelings.

Such a gentle being,

And I’m sad you’ve gone away.

You told me someday you could probably come back;

But it’s been 3 years now

And I have a hard time believing in that.

I could never regret you

But sometimes I think I do.

Sometimes I wish I never had a heart,

Or that you didn’t take it with you.

O what am I to do with all these broken pieces?

I still remember those marigolds,

And the way your face froze

When I told you they were my least favorite.

I still remember your essence

And how I always tried to savor it;

But there could never be enough time

When ultimately so limited.

I still remember your laugh;

Oh how exquisite.

I still hear it on replay when minding my business.

I told myself I could move on so easily,

But never did I think

That I could feel so deeply.

I guess the only way to truly move on

Is to let you go in this moment.

The words on this page

And your heart on my brain,

I ask the universe to help me move on.

Universe, please.

Allow me to let go.