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I have a special talent.
My talent is that I can make any situation sad.
Looking at every worst case scenario.
I know it's my brain trying to protect me trying to find any uncertainty or unsafety so that I can control it.
When it comes to control it’s not that I want to control the situation so that I can’t get hurt.
I want to set it up so that I can.
I want myself to hurt so bad b/c my comfort zone is sorrow.
I love that I can hurt myself and not show any scars b/c it's all on the inside.
I’m an addict, hooked on sadness more than any other emotion.
Because I dont have the want to be happy.
In fact the only want I have is thewant to have the want to be happy.
Self-sabatoge is a skill so familiar to me I don’t even realize that I am doing it.
I know my thoughts are just thoughts and I can watch them pass bybut the despair that consumes me has become me.
This is the form of self harm no one talks about.
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