Sadly talented

I have a special talent.

My talent is that I can make any situation sad.

Looking at every worst case scenario.

I know it's my brain trying to protect me trying to find any uncertainty or unsafety so that I can control it.

When it comes to control it’s not that I want to control the situation so that I can’t get hurt.

I want to set it up so that I can.

I want myself to hurt so bad b/c my comfort zone is sorrow.

I love that I can hurt myself and not show any scars b/c it's all on the inside.

I’m an addict, hooked on sadness more than any other emotion.

Because I dont have the want to be happy.

In fact the only want I have is thewant to have the want to be happy.

Self-sabatoge is a skill so familiar to me I don’t even realize that I am doing it.

I know my thoughts are just thoughts and I can watch them pass bybut the despair that consumes me has become me.

This is the form of self harm no one talks about.