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Remember

"Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people." Orson Scott Card, Shadow of the Giant.

By Sian N. CluttonPublished 2 years ago • 4 min read
Remember
Photo by Transly Translation Agency on Unsplash

I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to try.

Be brave, little one. It's okay to cry.

But it’s hurting my heart; he’s gone away.

Breathe slowly, my darling. It will be okay.

Just wake him up, Mum. Make him come back.

I would if I could, but those skills I lack.

But why does this happen? It doesn't seem fair.

There’s no rhyme or reason for the grief that we bear.

It doesn’t make sense; he was here yesterday.

Just take a deep breath and think what to say.

My words are all muddled. Speaking to him is tough.

Just think of the laughter, the happiness, the love.

It hurts to remember the kindness he’s shown.

Take all the time you need - before we head home.

But I don’t want to leave him, here, on his own.

Darling, he’ll be in our hearts wherever we roam.

I don’t want to do it. Why is he no longer there?

I know it hurts, baby. It’s a pain that we share.

Words won't possibly explain the pain that I feel.

Then tell him that, sweetie. It’s those words that are real.

*

It’s part of the process. To help your heart grieve.

By just saying some words before we get up and leave?

It’s a sad fact of life, the time it can steal.

Mum, I can’t do it. This doesn’t feel real.

You'll regret it, my love. Please trust me in this.

What if, instead of some words, I leave him a kiss?

If that’s what feels right, then that’s okay, too.

Nothing feels right. I’m not sure what to do.

Follow your heart. I know that it stings.

Goodbye is an ending - the pain that it brings.

Please try to remember the good, not the bad.

But he’s been taken from me. It makes me so sad.

Hold on to the memories. Remember his touch.

I can’t think about it, Mum, his voice is too much.

That's understandable, child. It must seem surreal.

What's the point of death and all the pain that we feel?

*

He looks so fragile, so still, lying there.

Just tell him you love him. Show him you care.

My words don’t make sense. They’re all stuck in my head.

That’s normal, my love, like the tears we have shed.

Do you think when they found him, he knew they were there?

I think he knew he was loved by a family who care.

He must have been scared, all alone on the floor.

He wasn’t there long before help reached the door.

I find it so scary that people die from old age.

It’s okay, my sweet boy. You’re being so brave.

Do you think he was scared when he couldn’t be saved?

No, he wasn't scared, baby. The peace was long-craved.

*

He was old; it was quick. He’s not in pain anymore.

I can’t imagine his fear. He’s at peace now, you’re sure?

I promise you, sweetheart. He’s in heaven, I trust.

I don’t care for heaven. I just want him with us.

Please remember, he loved you. You’re not on your own.

But we'll leave him behind and drive all the way home?

He’ll be with you in spirit; in your heart, he will sit.

Forever and always, I’ll never forget.

Take each moment slowly. You’ll get through this, I swear.

I wish he was here and not somewhere up there.

I know that it’s painful when someone departs.

It’s more than just painful; it’s breaking my heart.

I’m afraid I can’t shield you from life and its strife.

So how do we say goodbye to a life?

Take small steps, my lovely, each day, nice and slow.

Mum, when I get older, will I too just go?

Don't think such things. I know that it's sad.

I loved him so much, all the fun that we had.

That's better, baby. Think of the good.

I'd live every moment again if I could.

Tell him how much you’ll miss him or sing him a song.

My head’s all messed up. I’ll speak my words wrong.

It’ll be perfect, my love, however you choose to mourn.

It seems pointless to tell him. He's gone now, I'm torn.

It’s important to process by saying goodbye.

I don’t think I can do this. I just want to cry.

That's normal, my dear. This has come as a shock.

He was the best friend I had, my world, my rock.

Look at me, lovely. Look into my eyes.

They look just like his, but red where you’ve cried.

I promise you, my boy, that he’s at peace now.

I believe you. I do. But I don't understand how.

Up there, in the heavens, he's lovingly looking down.

On me?

On you, on all of us. And he’s smiling, oh so proud.

Can he hear my thoughts? Of everything I will miss?

I believe he can. He’ll watch over you through this.

*

But if the words illude you now, just dream of him instead.

You promise he’ll still hear me when I’m all tucked up in bed?

He'll hear every word, my angel, even though he's out of sight.

I’ll see you in my dreams. Until then, sweet dreams, Papa. Goodnight.

Free VerseGratitudeFriendshipsad poetryMental HealthFamilyheartbreaklove poems

About the Creator

Sian N. Clutton

A horror and thriller writer at heart, who's recently decided to take a stab at other genres.

I sincerely hope you find something that either touches your soul or scares your socks off.

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    Written by Sian N. Clutton