Real Love is Scary When It's Not in your Head

When it's in front of you.

When it's real... and you don't have the chance to practice all the million ways in which you thought you would act or respond.

When you can't hide or pull the strings because it's beyond your control. You have entered the realm of two stars colliding. The debris is the unfolding.

I say I'm a hopeless romantic. That term is glorified.

The hope of love transformed into an unrealistic ideal.

A fantasy for the escapist.

I once escaped through novels and daydreams. They bled through into real life.

I couldn't see clearly. My glasses were hot pink... so when real love finally knocked on my door, all I could do was shrink.

Because, what the hell?! Is this really happening?! All that was only supposed to be imagination, made manifest. What would happen?

See I was used to watching from afar, the puppet master of my own story.

But in real life, that's a different category.

It was perfectly premature, it came to expose

All the ways in which I chose to live in fear...control.

It freed me and saved my soul.

I'm still scared, but no longer hopeless.

This time, my door is open.