This poem goes out to everyone who needs to love themself. It's always good to make sure your friends and family are happy. As one of my best friends says, it's good to have a lot of love for people. But at some point, you have to save some of that love for yourself. You have to be ok if you care too much, and not be hurt when the other person cares just enough.
'I had a big realization today.
That it’s good to be a nice person
But I think at this point in your life
You need to stop giving so much kindness
So that you can keep it for yourself.
I used to put my friend as my first priority all the time.
I would drop everything, stopping my homework, postponing my run, forgetting about music stuff
To make sure he was ok.
If he needed help with sickness, or his family, or his dogs
I’d take time, maybe too much time
Researching how to relieve stress, home remedies for sickness, and why his dog’s leg is swollen
So that he could sleep just a little bit better.
When he’s texting me worried about something,
I don’t leave the conversation to do something else.
I don’t absentmindedly respond saying it’ll be ok and then leave again.
This friend was my life and happiness.
I couldn’t go on with my day unless I was certain that things were ok with him and with us.
It’s a perfectionist or an ego thing, I don’t know.
So when my boyfriend doesn’t do things my same way,
I perceive it as hurtful and wrong.
When in reality, I’m way too nice. But
He’s the perfect amount of nice.
When he responded with one-word answers
I thought, “Well I wouldn’t do that, so it’s wrong.”
When he does important school work while I’m ranting about my frivolous worries,
I thought, “Well i wouldn’t do that so it’s wrong.”
When he forgot about a sensitive thing that hurt my feelings and thus repeated the action,
I thought, “Well, i wouldn’t do that, because he wouldn’t be hurt over stupid things like I am.”
I realized that I might not get the same effort
from people as I put in.
But that doesn’t make the other person’s effort wrong.
Just because I view him like a god,
Doesn’t mean he’s wrong for not viewing me the same.
Just because I don’t think doing my homework
in a stressful relationship situation is important
Doesn’t mean he’s also gonna stop studying
To cater to my needs.
Either I have to accept
That if I put in 150% effort,
I may only get 100% of it back.
Or I have to stop prioritizing
Someone else’s livelihood
Over my own.'