Puppy Kisses

These are the moments I will remember

Sitting on the cool concrete of the kitchen floor

Holding you close in my arms

Seeing our reflection, blurry

In the black exterior of the dishwasher

*

I will remember our shared kisses and cuddles

Your nose, freezing and wet

Brushing against my cheek

And your soft pink tongue

Licking my skin in a puppy kiss

Your floppy ears

That pull back for a yawn

Cute

*

You sleep a lot

But when you are awake, I am with you

Close

You ignore me most of the time

But my love goes everlasting and abundant

The softness of your head

And the silky texture of the short fur down your back

Forever ingrained in my mind and

On my heart

*

Your little paws, pricked with burrs and grass

Your eyes, one brown one blue

Glazed

Coated with cataracts like a fine wash of white paint

There is a galaxy of stars in your milky eyes

Your chest and stomach

Riddled with scars

Cut open and sewn back together like a rag doll

Like your ripped toys I would always try to fix

All the years, you overcame

Poisons

And trials

Leaving you inable

You weren’t supposed to live

But to this day,

A needle pierces the skin of your neck twice

First with breakfast

Second with dinner

You’ve turned yellow,

Jaundice and ill

You were never supposed to survive.

Yet you did.

You overcame so many poisons

So many wounds

So many failures

*

But now,

This poison

This vial of bubblegum pink

The same color as the collar I gave you when you were a pup

This is the poison that your body cannot fight

This is the poison that will stop your heart

In this clinical cage of white tiles and buzzing ceiling lights

As you lay there

Breathing

Staring

Living

*

Never will I forget

The look of shock, of fear

In your eyes as you fell.

*

Overdosed on medicine to make you sleep

Make you feel good

Your body lumped to the side,

Your legs giving out beneath you,

*

Sudden,

Frightening,

Unfair.

*

It was time, anyways

But how sad that something had to go wrong

Something always goes wrong

With you

With us.

A plague of our family name,

Murphy’s law still applying at your deathbed.

*

On your floral blanket,

Soft.

Laid on your side,

I sprawled on the cold,

Dirty tile

Cradling your small head in my arms

My face against yours as you breathed

Warm air,

Slowly.

*

I relive this day often,

Our journey in the car

When I begged

That you lay in my lap one last time.

Our trip to the park,

Where you enjoyed sunshine and grass,

The sensations and smells flooding you,

Making up for lack of sight and sound.

Our breakfast,

Where you got more treats than healthy,

So excited for our food.

Your last insulin shot…

Your third to last shot ever.

*

Once goodbyes had lingered over your

Sleeping body long enough,

The final needle, the pink fluid.

I did not look, I did not watch,

But I knew what I would have seen.

Your face was wet with my tears,

Your fur clumped from the saltwater.

*

Your last breaths grazed across my cheek,

Swirling through my arms and around my fingertips.

A last whisper of love.