Professional?

A lot of my poetry is personal to me and documents my ups and downs with mental illness. Sometimes poetry can be cathartic and it’s always been there for me to utilise as a tool to vent everything out that I cannot speak. When I get overwhelmed I can sit and write it all out and suddenly those emotions become less intense, less painful.

This particular piece was written back when my Psychiatrist retired and I got transferred to a different one. I found myself manic on anti depressants and no form of mood stabiliser or anti psychotic medication. I was discharged, refused help and then ensued a 2 year long PAL’s complaints process which only finished earlier this year. Everything at the time was dismissed as my Borderline Personality Disorder and not Bipolar, and therefore in her mind this was enough to not have to treat me anymore. I guess if it was just my BPD not Bipolar she felt she had less of an obligation to treat me or take me back when my GP asked her to since he could see I was clearly having a Bipolar Manic episode. Whilst I hope no one ever has to go through what I have I sadly know this is not uncommon. Especially those with my disorders - BPD is highly stigmatised within the mental health profession and it’s not uncommon for professionals to want to ‘get rid’ of us as soon as they can.

If you’ve gone through this or currently are facing negligent care please reach out to whatever professional body you can and file a complaint. No one and I mean NO ONE deserves to be treated less than or be refused the most basic of care and compassion.

I have included a video that will hopefully give a greater insight into BPD. Whilst I have both that and Bipolar I feel it’s my BPD that can be a lot more often misunderstood. Both disorders carry their own set of stigmas but I felt like I wanted to take this opportunity to highlight BPD in particular. I‘ve included this particular video because I think it does a good job of representing the disorder. If you’ve got someone in your life who is diagnosed with the disorder or if you’ve been guilty of believing stereotypes and stigmatising beliefs about the condition. I just hope this video will change your opinion or help you understand your loved one better, and to understand what is going on inside of us, and the struggles we face every single day.

Professional.

What does that mean?

Does it mean to laugh

at my GP,

looking out for me.

-

You are a psychiatrist

where's your compassion, care?

I don't see it anywhere?

-

Refusal to offer me help.

Lie that I didn't want help.

I asked and asked and begged.

Treated like the last dregs,

worthless, inhuman, burdening society.

-

I expect it everywhere else

but when its your job

to protect vulnerable people.

Those affected with mental disease

you're meant to put us at ease.

-

Instead I'm left

alone, on my own.

No way of getting therapy

I need a referral you won't give.

You lie say you tried.

I refused?

Did I?

-

From how I remember it

you told me how you

wished to discharge me

day one.

-

Now you tell him

I didn't want help

from anyone?

-

Yet there I was

begging to him

I'm sick, I plead

I need to be freed.

You paid his words no heed.

You refuse to treat

my mental disease.

- Erin 15th May 2019

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