Porcelain Smile

It’s 2AM and all I think about is your arms around me

Your breath fanning against the back of my neck, and

Your soft snores echoing in my small room. It’s only been

One month and already I feel the calm serenity of being

Attached again. I feel the walls of my Jericho tumbling

Down but I do nothing because maybe change is a good thing

And maybe these walls must fall for me to see that within

The rubble of these stone bricks, my foundation was cracked

And unstable. I know it’s only been one month but

Realistically I’m terrified of the future, but with you, it makes

The future a little less daunting. See, for months on end

I’ve felt the cold run through my bones and the future

Was not something I wanted to see into, I wanted to ignore

The calls of my past, warning me that the path I was walking

Down was bad for my soul, bad for my health, bad for my

Existence. Then suddenly, I looked to my left, maybe it’s

Because I had a kink in my neck, or maybe I heard a voice

Calling my name, and there you were, standing in a cloak

Of dark clouds hovering around your head counter clockwise.

I don’t want to seem egotistical, but I feel somewhat of a light

In the dark for you, like I was the sunlight that you desperately

Needed to get through this week. And for me, you were the

Foundation that I so desperately needed because I had built

My castle on a mound of sand. With cracked foundation and

Shattered windows, the wood beams falling down in my brain,

You came in with a sonic screw driver and fixed all the

Problems, and while some may still exist, we ignore them because

How else would we function? When I say you’re my daddy, I don’t

Mean it in a weird way, I mean I trust you with my whole body,

My soul, my existence. I expect you to respect and protect

My dignity, treat me like a princess but keep my in the line that you

Built for me. I want to be asleep and have you wake me up with

Kisses up my back, pulling my hair and telling me to wake. I want

To be the one to tease you while you’re at work, I want you to fully

Understand that me being “smol” isn’t a sexual thing for me, there

Will be days when I am in subspace but I don’t want to be sexual,

I guess when I just want to be taken care of and loved and I want

To snuggle up to your chest and hold onto you because I never want

You to leave me. I want to spend Christmas’s with you, I want to wake

Up to your sleepy eyed, messy haired face because you’re so damn

Cute when you wake up. You’re fucking adorable when you sleep

Because I hate it when you don’t sleep, I hate it when you breathe

Weird because it reminds me of a panic attack and I want you to

Feel safe. And I know that Daddy’s need to be taken care of too,

I promise that I will take care of you, forever and a day.

You are my Clyde, you are my Gomez, you are my Jack Skellington.

You are my sun and my stars. I can be your little doll even if you

Put me on the highest shelf for the rest of our lives, I’ll pose for

The pictures with a porcelain smile.