Explain it to me like you love me, the difference between what you have and what you have to do. Tone matters.
I'm perched on this barstool oh-so-lightly, haunches like a spring. I'm waiting for an ill wind to blow me off. Be gentle.
When you say action, you're wrong because nothing's happened yet. You've hardly spoken your intentions, slippery as they are.
I can think of a thousand answers. They're stuck to the beer-tacked floor, they're at the bottom of this gin & tonic, they're buzzing in my ears.
You try again with intent, and still, you're wrong. If you buy me another drink, I'll tell you why: because I came to fight.
The state in which you have me is past. The state in which you want me is two sips from tears, smooth-brained and needy past sense.
So put me there. Sugar your voice. Flick your lighter on the corner of the madding avenue and ask me, bright and willful, to be and be done.
There are no magic words but truth. There is no truth but need. There is no need but this, a clench that never ends.
About the Creator
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
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Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Comments (10)
Oh, to ever have been made such an offer & to have recognized it as such. (I'm autistic, so there's never been much hope for that, lol.) Such longing wrapped up in & expressed with so much doubt & skepticism, presenting a simple test yet forever awaiting the one who might pass it. Who among us has never found themselves there? And for those I find myself torn between saying, "Blessed be they," & alternatively disdaining their complete innocence, ignorance & naivete.
Absolutely amazing! That opening line of "Explain it to me like you love me," is so incredibly powerful and immediately sets the tone for the rest. Well done!
Suze. Standing ovation from Mr Stewart. This is incredible. I loved the long and meaningful lines and I felt similar to Rachel...that there was a whole lot of anger mixed in with the heartbreak. Sounds like the end of a relationship...where he just doesn't get what she wants....what she needs. It made me sad, and angry too. Like Rachel and John...quite unsettling...but there's the beauty of your way with words...I didn't want to stop reading because you weave them so well. Just great, Suze. Well done.
You've tagged this as sad, Suze but I feel anger more than sadness here. I sort of smouldering fury mixed with hurt. Like the club setting. Makes it feel like she's struggling to be heard and there are lots of elements affecting understanding. I really liked this. Unsettled me a bit.
The state in which you have me is past. The state in which you want me is two sips from tears, smooth-brained and needy past sense. These lines were my favourite! Gosh this was so poignantly beautiful!
Your ending is powerful beyond words, like a bit of wisdom I have never before encountered, making it both foreign and raw. But in truth I was mesmerized by all of it. I felt like there is an hommage in the poem, but since I've never read Thomas Hardy's Far from the Madding Crowd, it's no more than a feeling. The only thing I'm certain of is that the poem has unsettled me, like a heavy and tightly coiled spring.
This is as honest and seductive as the speaker wishes the interlocutor would be.
This is fabulous. I especially love "The state in which you have me is past. The state in which you want me is two sips from tears, smooth-brained and needy past sense." Well done.
Wow, what a beautifully portrayed piece!
So well put… scene vividly set. ‘ I'm perched on this barstool oh-so-lightly, haunches like a spring. I'm waiting for an ill wind to blow me off. Be gentle.’ I do so hate hard conversations 🥹