Loving the Ghost

Every night you find yourself-

feet cemented to that one spot so long

they’ve left imprints in the carpet.

Days and weeks long since turned into

too many years to count,

come and gone in a haze,

each spent locked in a staring contest

with the ghost.

Two pairs of eyes fixated with longing.

Translucent snakes slither down

skin pale as moonlight.

They’re wiped away by shaking hands

that reach out and scratch the dark,

until the sun rises again,

and you have to hit the surface and breathe.

18 years,

and the ghost finally moves.

A hint of a smile,

as those eyes meet.

They follow each other up

towards a mind filled with endless worlds,

then down at the hands

that weave their legends into reality.

Further down to feet that glide across the floor

in a tango with demons and yet still walk

across planes of shadows until they find

their way towards the light again, day in

And day out and day in again.

18 years,

Until you finally realize what love is, my dear.

I cannot apologize enough to you,

That it took so long to see it.

That you sacrificed your life

To keep yourself alive.

That it took a lifetime to finally be able

To look across the floor with a smile.

18 long years,

Until you could reach out to that smooth,

Pristine glass with war-torn, tired hands,

And see the beauty in the ghost staring back.

22 years,

And sometimes the ghost stands still again.

Eyes, though frozen, search for any inkling

of that longing from before,

and you feel every smile fade into a memory.

Every ounce of warmth is overcome by winter.

The snakes stop slithering and freeze,

glued to the moonlight on your cheeks,

and ice overtakes your lungs

Because you felt the high of love,

over and over again.

But over and over again

you fall from grace into the pits of detest.

They say that love can take your breath away.

That when you see that special person,

it’s like you’ve become a fish out of water.

Heartache does the same.

When you stare at all that everything around you has become.

When you can’t remember the light in your eyes

outside of a photograph.

When your body feels like a thousand piece puzzle

with about 600 missing, forever left unsolved.

When you remember every dream you had,

turned to dust in the midst of a harsh, invisible reality.

But each day,

you will open your eyes,

stare down that ghost

and your breath will leave your lungs,

over and over again.

Whether you’ve finally remembered

what that first moment of love felt like,

or you’ve simply realized

you’re in love with the fact

that there is even a ghost staring back at all.