Lovesick

I can’t write about you like I want to. I can’t hold you in my arms like I’d love to.

Spend time with me not because I want you but because I need you. You are essential to my lifeline. When I do write about you though, God on the day I do, things may never be the same. You leave everything behind between us and I am now hanging by a thread. Tell me if I should clutch on tighter or if I should let go and fall.

How many times should I shatter myself for you? Or should I let you just break me instead? Will it help soothe the aching that I feel? Should I yank the pit out of my stomach to stop the goddamn longing — How long is this wait? How dare lovers wait?! What makes patience, when an ample supply of all you could ever need or want in the world has blessed your very path? Why did you go away? Why did you let all that we were building slip through your fingers?

You ran! Ta! It all came crashing down after one confession.

God how I starve for him sometimes! “Run away then”, I used to believe that if you ran and didn’t look back that I’d be mangled with your cheek kisses sinking deeper into my flesh with each mile we were apart. I was afraid that if you did, I’d die and I didn’t want to be the one that turned into stone.

So go break someone else’s heart because I’m not here for it! My soul refuses to wait for a flaky return!

If you can run then so can I!

I thought that I was only going to get one planet when I met you, but I got an entire galaxy instead. And now all I want is for you to fall into a black hole so you can fuck up someone else’s lifeline, a universe away from me. Cut my thread on your way inside! I shouldn’t have to hold on anymore. You can go and this time I’m convinced in my heart for once in my life that it wasn’t my fuckin fault! Don’t give me any more fake hope. Don’t make it seem like loving attitudes are enough. Love is the threshold. The person makes the whole of anything in this entirely new life. You act so alone, so unloved, so disregarded, yet I am no random face in the masses.

You’ve touched this cheek before and crossed so many borders in one night. You’re drawn but would rather be shielded by coyness, caught up in a whirlwind of bashful conflicted innervation. I shouldn’t miss you when you haven’t even gone anywhere yet. I saw it all in your eyes the first time we met. I saw my exhilaration and my little doom. On my mind was a refreshing attribute to a daily routine. I would’ve been so down for you.

What a shame, to build up a world and watch it dissipate in the palm of your hands, in the base of your heart, in the corners of your mind….

I’ve only tasted you for a few moments and became gluttonous, but now I’d rather starve. Every time I put my finger to my tongue, I used to suck up your love…. and now I regurgitate it all. What kind of care I’ve taken to you. I understand now though, why I shouldn’t give pieces of my heart out like a fresh print copy of the daily news.

I’ve only understood this lesson once in my life and it will always be taught by you.