Lost. Lost is the feeling of uncertainty. Lost is the feeling of sadness. Lost is the feeling of doubt. Doubt leads the mind further down the rabbit hole. The scary feeling that you are falling further and further, desperate to grab onto anything. Anything that can hold you up for a minute, even a second of peace before the doubt creeps in and that branch breaks.
Uncertainty is terrifying and crippling. Imagine staring down two roads: one that will make everyone proud, yet you lose the last bit of yourself you cling to in the darkest of moments.This cripples you and you find yourself going day to day in an emotionless life. Existing, but not really living. Your soul has become paralyzed. The other path however, the path of doubt and uncertainty. The path of feeling lost, but the opportunities are endless and abundant. The path that could lead to happiness if the voices in your head cease. If you are brave enough to take the path of the lost- the lost who are the true fighters in this world. The ones who stumble over every rock, who take four left turns only to end up where they began. The ones who will look to the sky and shout for some sort of direction.
Maybe being lost isn’t such a bad thing, though. Maybe spiraling out of control is the best way to come to terms with who you are and what you want in life.
I dream of happiness. I dream of love. I dream of security in knowing that I am wanted. And I believe I have found that. I have found my sense of security.
My security lies with knowing that I am loved, cared for, and respected.
Other aspects of my life are most definitely uncertain, but the monsters in the trees vanish, because of my security. With my security, with you, I know things are going to be okay.
From the moment I met you, I knew there was something special. Something that I could not even begin to describe. You were kind where others had been vile. You stopped and you listened. You made me feel important and valued- that scared me for a bit. I was afraid to lose a friend, a real honest to goodness friend. I had finally found a safe space, a space where I could expose my demons and didn’t have to fight them alone. You stuck by me. You made me realize that I was worth it, and I thank you for that. You noticed demons that I refused to realize. You helped me fight those demons, time and time again. No matter what- you had my back through and through.
You made me smile, when I forgot what smiling was like. The unfamiliar sound of laughter became familiar again. You made life better. You made me find myself again, and for that I am eternally grateful.