Loss and Gain
A dad's words to his adopted daughter
I enter your fifth grade classroom.
It’s writing festival
and you’ve written an “I am” poem.
“I am from never give up even if you can’t take it.”
Your words on the paper.
“And live, love, stay alive and strong.”
Stay alive and strong.
Other parents who know some of your story
look at your poem,
uncomfortable with your confidence.
How not broken you are.
But when it’s just you and me,
driving in the car
or walking together on our path through the woods,
you give me a glimpse at what goes on in your head.
How alone you have felt.
How scared you have been.
And how that fear pops up every so often.
Not knowing who to trust.
Not learning how to love.
Not feeling safe.
How the years leading up to your arrival to us were
complicated.
How the joyful reunion with your brother at our house
and the beginning of together forever
meant both loss and gain.
Adoption is always loss and gain.
It’s okay to still love your first dad, I say.
Even if he did the best he could and it wasn’t enough.
We can hold the complexity together.
It’s okay to be proud of who you are, I say.
Even the parts you don’t want to share.
You don’t have to tell me everything.
Or anything.
We can sit in the silence together.
It’s okay to feel insecure, I say.
Even if your body tells you you’re safe
and it’s been that way for a while.
Take as long as you need.
We can walk through that together.
And as we hold, and sit, and walk together,
I want you to know that you’re allowed to feel strong,
and you deserve to feel loved.
You are so loved.
“I am from never give up even if you can’t take it.”
Your words on the paper.
"And live, love, stay alive and strong.”
About the Creator
F Cade Swanson
Queer dad from Virginia now living and writing in the Pacific Northwest. Dad poems, sad poems, stories about life. Read more at fcadeswanson.com
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Comments (50)
Now I have tears streaming down my cheeks from reading this beautiful poem.
Bravo! Your hard work is paying off—keep it up, congratulations!
Congratulations! Keep up the great work!"❤👌👍
This was my favorite of the short listed when I voted. I’m glad to now see who wrote it. ‘Other parents who know some of your story look at your poem, uncomfortable with your confidence.’ Those lines hit me so hard. Adults were uncomfortable with my confidence as a child, and still are now that I’m an adult. But it’s what prevailed through my trauma. I think that’s what separates those of us who go on to thrive from those of us who merely survive, and those who do not make it. The belief that we’re worthy of more is why we never give up, even if we can’t take it. The love you have for your child is beautiful, and the guidance you’re sharing as a parent and a poet is what everyone needs to hear. This is without a doubt one of the best poems I’ve read on Vocal, and I’m excited to read more from you.
Simply Beautiful and Congrats!!!
Congratulations, Cade! I still get chills running up & down my spine reading this.
Fabulous!!! Congratulations on the win!!!❤️❤️💕
Congratulations. I remember this beautiful piece.
Congratulations!! 🎊
Congratulations!!
Youre allowed to feel strong. I love this, it's so full of strength that doesn't depend on perfection. Congratulations.
Love. Acceptance. Support. Understanding. Congratulations on the life you build. Congratulations on this recognition today.
Powerful and moving.
Wow.. good for you for giving this beautiful person the space, time, and understanding, patience, etc. To be able to work things out with zero pressure. I don't know your situation, but I know enough about the system and the things that these kids and/or vulnerable individuals have to go through. Ive heard stories, and some people think that the hardship is losing their biological families, but these vulnerable individuals' stories don't just stop with losing their parents. The system is so messed up. Sometimes the ones who foster them are worse than the originals. Thank God, or the universe for people like yourself that make a difference in a life. You change the world. Even if it's just one world. I wish you took first, but in my heart you sure did. Thank you for sharing, and good vibes your way. ❤️❤️❤️
so beautiful, touched by " you give me a glimpse on what goes on in your head"
Wow. This is so beautiful. I cried reading the words the dad spoke to the daughter. Incredibly moving.
Wow, this was very touching! It made me cry, in a good way. :)
So wonderful!
Written so well, it heals you as you read it♥️
Beautiful!
Love Love Love❤️
Good Job, I love your articles
What a beautiful piece ♥️♥️♥️
This was beautiful. I don’t know how it didn’t get 1st place, you deserve it. God bless you.
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