little things i’ll learn to live without

Driving on a dirt road

The way he hummed only the bass line to songs

Getting high in my brothers tshirt

The way he knows when to cuddle and when to let me sleep

The freckle on his ear

The restaurant with the honey butter

Stargazing on the silo

His long eyelashes

The time we almost eloped

Snow angels in corn kernels

Running my fingers through his hair

The time he held my hair back when i threw up

Hearing his shower podcast each morning

The breakfast he made me

Playing video games with his brother

The joke about peg legs he probably forgot

The way he said "damn"

The trips to the golf course

The bulldozer he drove that one time when he definitely wasn't supposed to

His tattoos

The sound of his laugh

His love for his family

Sitting on his kitchen counter

The bird noises he makes

His extremely clean bathroom

The redneck fires he built

The way we waited for that can to explode

They way it never did

Giving his dog a bath

His fascination with snakes

Watching him get ready for work

The way “fucking" was really making love

The way I was proud that he was mine.

The way he let me drive away

The way he fell asleep during my panic attack

Avoiding talking about him to friends because i know what they'll say

The way he stopped taking me on dates

Work being more important than me

The soup I never got when I was sick

Him refusing to call me his girlfriend

The cruel text messages

The way he hated Taylor swift

The time he threw a remote at his dog

Being ignored for days on end

The way he stopped getting to know me

My mom being right

The way he spoke about his exes

My playlist for him being “too sappy”

The birthday gift I never got

When he said that he never treats girls this way

The cuts I left for him to see

The way he ignored them

Him refusing to talk about his emotions

Walking home from his house before he woke up

Waking up to see he slept on the couch

The way my suicidal behavior was "ridiculous "

Begging him to stay so I wouldn't hurt myself

Hurting myself because he wouldn't stay

Him not caring about people hurting me

The way he never posted pictures of me

Or took pictures with me

Him not caring if I went out with other guys

The way he told me to just stop being sad

Him not caring if I came back

The way his brother laughed when I did

Knowing he's okay without me

Feeling like I had to die to make him care

Him insisting that things would change

The way he wasn't proud that I was his

The way he isn't proud that I still am.