Justified

Do I make good decisions?

Am I a good person?

Was that the right decision?

Not one person can answer the question but you

In reality, we know nothing is right

We only convince ourselves what is right by other standards

The mind of a child is almost immune to the standards

They don’t compare what they understand but by why

When I was a child I used to think about what I would do when I was older

I made choices for my future self (or at least predicted)

In those choices, I was level minded and knew why not do something

I was influenced by almost nothing

No peer pressure

No embarrassment

No anger or sadness

No adrenaline

No hormones

And No insecurities

The thoughts from my childhood became almost law to me

Like pacts

In 3rd grade, our whole school promised to not do drugs

I wonder how many people came to break that promise

Why would they go against themselves

If they knew what they wanted then why did they change their mind

I went against myself

In those moments I justified my actions

My actions went against my pacts but the justification made it ok

If 6 year old me could see me today, what would they think?

All of these pacts were broken because of reckless justified decisions

Could I ask for forgiveness after all that I had done

How many bridges I had burnt of paths that I could have taken

And now with my post justified mind, I see why not that what I did was wrong or right but why

Can I fix this and change

After all of the damage, I have done

it seems that my world and future has fallen apart because I justified going against myself

Those decisions changed my path

Even today I still justify recent decisions when I previously said the opposite

But now it is time for me to stop letting others and impulse control my decisions

I should not justify why but think why am I doing this

Justifying my actions doesn’t make it ok but twists my view more away from a mind of a child