Instead

What I wanted to do, was text my lover from the summer.

My hands rolled out raspberry scones instead.

What I wanted to do, was send you a podcast about that Bittersweet book I started.

Instead, I let my hair be trimmed to the floor, your scent still clinging to the tips.

What I wanted to do, was ask "Are you sure?!"

I folded warm towels instead.

What I wanted to do, was send a beautiful photo of the me that you'll miss.

But I slathered those raspberry scones in butter instead.

What I wanted to do, was bring back your boxers I wore home last month.

Instead, I turned up my pisces playlist.

What I wanted to do, was keep my chin up to prove how loveable and strong I am.

I let the tears come instead.

What I wanted to do, was keep it all to myself, your departure folded neatly into my chest.

Instead, I reached out and received.

What I wanted to do, was declare renunciation from love, once and for all.

Then, I cried in my brother's arms instead.