156 A Quantum Mechanic Observes the Collapse of Screwdriver Probability Fields
For Tuesday (or not), June 4 (or not), Day 156 (or not) of the Story-a-Day Challenge
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Quantum mechanics is spooky, Einstein said, about quantum entanglement: a particle, observed, determines the status of another it's entangled with.
It's a quantum world for screwdrivers, too! Trust me, I'm a quantum mechanic.
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Consider my escapade involving leaky Jacuzzi pipework:
I needed to tighten screws under my Jacuzzi, a sophisticated machine, access certainly requiring the sophistication of Phillips screws.
You'd think.
I grab my Phillips screwdriver, sitting--ironically--alongside the flathead I spurn. I stoop the stoop that traditionally engenders butt-cracks for cackling children everywhere. Alas, the screws--flatheads!
The screwdriver probability field collapsed. Zigs became zags--how the quantum cookie crumbles.
THE SCIENCE, THE SCREW-JOB:
We quantum mechanics use quantum toolboxes. Once the screwhead type's observed, the probability field containing vacillating dualities, flathead-vs-Phillips, collapses into the entangled screwdriver, many quanta away, into a single type.
Then, observing the panel screws and the screwdriver needed--left behind in the quantumized toolchest--I'm cursed with the wrong one. Probably every time? Probably? Possibly?
Yes, Schrödinger, your cat's dead.
Is it? [Meows waft in the æther...]
I go to retrieve the flathead. There t'is, in all its flathead eventuality. So, quantum mechanics is merciful:
Once I left the vicinity of entangled Phillips screwheadness, a forgone screwdriver should collapse into a different type. Or at least resume a quasi-status, [flathead+Phillips], in simultaneous shimmering duality, awaiting my retrieval.
I risked damnation to a Hell of reaching, forever, for the wrong screwdriver!
Why wouldn't I just grab both?
My Y-chromosome forbids foresight--the same mutated allele forcing me to skip assembly directions for toys Christmas Eve. Or worse--no!--I have GPS now.
But I wasn't damned. Quantum mechanics strives to get along with us. With the right screwdriver I walk back, without any further entanglement, and righty-tighty those little fellas home.
So quantum mechanics learned: it established a path of least resistance after it misstepped. Quantum says, "Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on Einstein."
Translated, you merely chose the wrong screwdriver, quantard!
Now, screws are just one less challenge in life--thanks to my inescapable partner in life, the ol' probability cloud granting me a Mulligan. On to the next entanglement! (Will she or won't she?)
And don't worry about feeding the cat.
I think.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE:
For Tuesday, June 4, Day 156 of the Story-a-Day Challenge
366 WORDS (without A/N)
Title-accompaniment photo was AI-generated, but the srews were not.
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There are currently three surviving Vocal writers still participating in the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:
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• Rachel Deeming
• Gerard DiLeo (some other guy)
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About the Creator
Gerard DiLeo
Retired, not tired. In Life Phase II: Living and writing from a decommissioned church in Hull, MA. (Phase I was New Orleans and everything that entails. Hippocampus, behave!
https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/
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Comments (34)
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Many congratulations 🎊
Congratulations on Top Story!!!♥♥♥
Hahaha! —My Y chromosomes forbids foresight— Such an entertaining read, Gerard! Congrats!!!
congratulation on TS. FANTASTIC and have been there so many times. Hubby, too, for that matter. Excellently done and super funny.
Congratulations on the top story ❤️
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I need a quantum mechanic
I need a quantum mechanic to fix my air conditioner.
And if it was a Robertson he may have had an extra trip to the tool box, or just get one of those multi-head types. This was great. Quite amusing indeed. Congrats on the TS.
Congratulations 🎉
I love how you stretched quantum theory with a screwdriver. Cat be damned.
Thank you for bringing a giggle out of me, which is something I haven't done in many long months of depression. Your story reminded me of my husband who has many battles with screws and screw drivers himself. I really enjoyed this story, though you did send me to the loo laughing!
You have endowed the phrase "cracking wise" with an entirely new meaning!