Impossible Lucid Life

As time goes on I asked myself,"will I ever find where I belong?"

Hands out to help but when I've reached to take hold they would disappear melt away as snow on a hot sunny day.

Intentions have no meaning as life has its way with me.

I can't blame the past and I can't avoid the future if I hope to move forward and live Lucid life.

I thought I'd found my way many times but to my dismay and the barely sane mind of mine I'm here again where I began.

No longer a child says the body I am within. Act as a child my emotions overflow every time I start it's like I hit restart and begin again on a futile Journey.

If I begin at the end of the time, end up where I began again, what is the point in trying.

There has to be a reason, there has to be hope, all of this time in my life has not been for nothing.

I've been to war and back, close to death yet slept soundly in my sac, comfortable zipped up tight with a little breathing hole at the top.

I don't need you to feel sorry for me I'm a bit lost.

I made a list this morning and I'm trying to find where I can blast off.

Going through my collection of masks trying to see how I can just leave all of them off.

I'm going to be me as I wake and I breathe, so let my efforts not cease, unless I become deceased.

And when the time comes for me to stop walking this planet I don't want to leave it being down in the dumps always tragic.

The fact is I haven't had a stomach to live since I was a tiny kid. Getting his ass kicked custom slap and whipped.

Living in America the land of overindulgence. Living in America trying to act like I ain't scared of you or nobody else cuz I'm the biggest man and so is every other man in the land.

Mentalities that are $0.02 per dozen sell in abundance as I try to find something bigger shinier and better than the next man or woman.

In this trash land consuming anything I can to try to get ahead.

To get what I think is mine to get what I think I deserve to get what I need for my own selfish behind, I continually fall behind.

With or without companion.

Stuck perspectives plague me.

Selfish judgment driven by my pain for everything that was is and will be.

I know what my destination is if I continue in this way, stubborn fear and procrastination, wearing away my fleshy capsule.

Time passes......................