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I Used To Be Normal, too.

Until I woke up.

By Melissa SteussyPublished 2 years ago 2 min read
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I Used To Be Normal, too.
Photo by Giorgio Encinas on Unsplash

I used to be able to just go with the flow.

I used to show up and do what others were doing.

I could camouflage myself so perfectly to blend in without a hitch.

You would have never known I was different.

But then you started to ask questions and that is when I had to fabricate lies.

And then my lies began to make me anxious. I started to sweat and my stories didn’t add up.

For years if you went on vacation then I would too.

I can keep up with the Jones’s I said as I ran on a treadmill that started going way too fast.

Soon I had fallen and people started to wonder.

They saw dirt under my fingernails and my hair was messed up.

But I still showed up with my plastic smile and didn’t let them see me back peddling.

I worked hard on this persona. The persona of a normal person.

I lied with the best of them.

They never called me out, but eventually, the job got too tiring and I quit.

I started speaking up and telling the truth.

I stopped hiding behind a fancy car or handbag.

I stopped doing things I couldn't afford.

I started sharing an inkling of the truth instead of a fabricated lie.

I started to try to look people in the eye when I shared my truth.

Even though I would sweat through it I stood a little taller.

I liked the feeling of telling the truth and as I did pieces of shame started to break apart and fall of my body.

I kept telling the truth and eventually, I started shouting it.

Every time I shared the truth I got stronger.

People started to go away though.

My truth was too glaring for them.

I was alone for a long time, but I kept doing it.

Eventually, I found other truth-tellers who started marching with me. We locked arms and continued to march while sharing our truths.

We got our megaphones and started shouting out our truths and more people peeked from out of their houses, eventually, they felt safe enough and started marching with us.

We felt less different and alone. We felt less like hiding. It was intoxicating to be our true selves. It was freeing to be able to tell the truth and not hide behind lies we told so that people would approve of us.

We wanted to fit so badly we gave up our true selves.

We became a version of ourselves that we thought others would approve of but in the process forgot who we were; what made us breathe a little bit faster, what made our hearts tick louder. We had been playing a game where everyone fits into a certain box and if you don’t then you don’t get to play, but now there is no box.

We are free.

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About the Creator

Melissa Steussy

Author of Let Your Privates Breathe-Breaking the Cycle of Addiction and Family Dysfunction. Available at The Black Hat Press:

https://www.theblackhatpress.com/bookshop/p/let-your-privates-breathe

https://www.instagram.com/melsteussy/

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