I must go

I stand at the edge again. The place you and I would stare off into the horizon together. Talking of distant futures and ideas. You always kept me aware of how simple things could be. However tonight I watch the wooden ship burning and sailing away into that horizon. The flames roar of your honor and your ability to keep us together. I realize as my grief calms that I placed a burden upon me to carry you forward. We both know now that I can not. That I have to let you go. I wipe your ashes from my face and take a deep breath. Leaning forward I close my eyes to fall from safety. I always felt at home in the chaos.

The portal opens and pulls me in. A glitch in the black hole pulls me apart. I witness the beginning and the end all at once. The transformation occurs once more allowing these eyes to go cold and dark. Hollow windows reveling my souls suffering. I can not explain why I cherish this other than the power to overcome it. God surfaces and I feel my physical self evaporate in eternity. I tried to keep it together, but all this hiding has worn me down to threads breaking.

I refuse to go back even though I would be pretending if I said I could. I must move towards balance and the discomfort is real. Showing my truths and the deaths it caused. Here I go blinded by the light. Screaming at the fire thinking I can rearrange it all. Visions of the burning hallway and the sounds of the screaming. It is corrosive in my thoughts and it excites the insanity of fears untold. The scraping on the walls was merely the demons writing their wills. We are all alone here.

I walk out into the snow. My bare feet flinch at the frigid embrace but I force function and move further into its decay until I approach the glass. I see right through to the place where they all abandoned me. Never willing to understand me for i couldn't understand them. I let it over throw the thrown and pull me under to suffocate. Something isn't right. Why isn't hope dying yet? I feel it refusing my oxygen. I feel it ignoring my desire. As everything becomes consumed by the dark and I feel it awaken the depths of my energy.

My eyes open and the glass shatters. Blades of shrapnel blister the skin. Fire to the touch the snow begins to evaporate. I am full force. Rage intertwined with bliss. I can not stop. It is my purpose to move forward. Bound to the oath and the discipline.