I'm Not Okay

I Am Not Okay

Disclaimer: This poem is dark and it deals with mental health. It can be triggering to some. Reader discretion is advised.

I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I wish I could keep telling myself lies.

And keep faking my smiles.

I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I wish I could look at myself

and reassure Me that I will be safe.

Although that may be true now,

some part of me never was.

So, I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I lied to myself for too long,

and created lies to make me look insane.

Because it was better than

accepting all the things you did to me.

I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I don’t know how long it would take

for me to be better again.

Admitting the truth meant accepting what is good

and accepting the terrible that came with it.

I am not okay.

Oh God, I am not okay!

I don’t know who I am at the moment.

I don’t know who to believe.

When the person who was supposed to keep me safe

was also the person who took my power away.

I am not okay!

I don’t think I ever will be!

Not unless I stopped lying to myself

and begin the process of healing.

Because how could I heal from the wounds

that I refuse to see?

I am not okay!

You did this to me!

How could you?!

You were supposed to care for me!

You were supposed to protect me!

And I guess it was my fault for always believing -

for always trying to forgive.

I am not okay.

And that is okay.

I don’t always have to be,

and that is something I need to see.

I will no longer be the same

and that is okay.

I don’t have to forgive you

and that is okay.

I am not okay.

I never will be.

That is just something for me to see -

that your sins were something I cannot forgive.

At least now I can finally believe in myself

and cure my insanity.

Because I am not okay.

Maybe tomorrow I will be.

But not today,

and that is okay.

---

Hi, I'm CyCy!

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate it!

Note: this is part of the collection of poems that I am working on releasing online - The Darkness That Lurks Behind The Smile. These poems reflect parts of my life and the struggles with my mental health.

Disclosure: Please note that if you choose to click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive cash compensation. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I personally find helpful or enjoyable, and that I believe may also be of interest to you. Click here to find out who I am currently partnered with and affiliated with.

Other than me fangirling about anime, books, comics, and shows/movies that I watch, I usually create darker content, whether art, video shorts, or stories. If this is something that you also enjoy, let's be friends :)

Speaking of anime, have you seen The Way of the Househusband yet?

If not, you're missing out! Click here to see my quick review of it.

If you are also looking to build a website for your blogs, hobbies, store, or for anything at all, I recommend Bluehost.

If you would like to learn more, read my article: Why Bluehost is Perfect for Novice Website Builders.

P.S. I would truly appreciate your support whether it would be subscribing, sharing this page with your friends, and/or leaving me a tip. If you also want updates on my latest releases, sign up for my newsletter here.

P.P.S. I also offer Beta-Reader services if you are a writer/author and need a Beta-Reader. Check out my Fiverr link here.