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I'm Not Okay

The Darkness That Lurks Behind The Smile

By CyCyPublished about a year ago Updated about a year ago 3 min read
Cover/Logo is designed by me by using Canva Pro

I Am Not Okay

Disclaimer: This poem is dark and it deals with mental health. It can be triggering to some. Reader discretion is advised.

I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I wish I could keep telling myself lies.

And keep faking my smiles.

I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I wish I could look at myself

and reassure Me that I will be safe.

Although that may be true now,

some part of me never was.

So, I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I lied to myself for too long,

and created lies to make me look insane.

Because it was better than

accepting all the things you did to me.

I am not okay.

I wish I were.

I don’t know how long it would take

for me to be better again.

Admitting the truth meant accepting what is good

and accepting the terrible that came with it.

I am not okay.

Oh God, I am not okay!

I don’t know who I am at the moment.

I don’t know who to believe.

When the person who was supposed to keep me safe

was also the person who took my power away.

I am not okay!

I don’t think I ever will be!

Not unless I stopped lying to myself

and begin the process of healing.

Because how could I heal from the wounds

that I refuse to see?

I am not okay!

You did this to me!

How could you?!

You were supposed to care for me!

You were supposed to protect me!

And I guess it was my fault for always believing -

for always trying to forgive.

I am not okay.

And that is okay.

I don’t always have to be,

and that is something I need to see.

I will no longer be the same

and that is okay.

I don’t have to forgive you

and that is okay.

I am not okay.

I never will be.

That is just something for me to see -

that your sins were something I cannot forgive.

At least now I can finally believe in myself

and cure my insanity.

Because I am not okay.

Maybe tomorrow I will be.

But not today,

and that is okay.


Hi, I'm CyCy!

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate it!

Note: this is part of the collection of poems that I am working on releasing online - The Darkness That Lurks Behind The Smile. These poems reflect parts of my life and the struggles with my mental health.

Disclosure: Please note that if you choose to click on a link and make a purchase, I may receive cash compensation. Rest assured that I only recommend products that I personally find helpful or enjoyable, and that I believe may also be of interest to you. Click here to find out who I am currently partnered with and affiliated with.

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Other than me fangirling about anime, books, comics, and shows/movies that I watch, I usually create darker content, whether art, video shorts, or stories. If this is something that you also enjoy, let's be friends :)

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About the Creator


The Chaotic Creator | Writer, Poet, & Blogger | Multi-Genre | Beta-Reader

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