I don’t know how to tell you

I don’t know how to tell you

But

I don’t do so well

When the darkness engulfs me

Like flames licking at the

Alter of a church

Doused in diesel.

I don’t think I can tell you

But

I’m struggling

With every breath I take

Into these hollow lungs that

Lay in my aching rib cage -

Already sick of protecting them

And their unwanted oxygen.

I don’t want you to know

But

I feel broken

In the most literal sense of the word -

I feel physically torn apart

By everything and everyone

But most of all by myself

And all my expectations.

I’m heartbroken to tell you

But

I feel unlovable

And utterly unwanted

And only worth as much as my body

That’s been used almost as much

As my mind.

And I think you already know

But…

I love you

With every fiber of my broken heart

And I’m terrified

That you’ll be the death of me

Because you don’t feel the same

And if you did, I wouldn’t deserve it.