I Can't Breathe when they Leave

Can’t Breathe when they Leave

I fear people leaving me,

It's repressed in me like a disease,

Where it changes the way, I act.

As if I'm backed,

Into a corner,

Feeling like I'll crack,

From my own mental torture.

When conversations are coming to an end,

The anxiety begins,

Knowing they will leave,

And it will just be me,

suddenly, I can’t breathe.

I become silent, disconnected,

Because I've been infected,

From my own curdling fear,

That's drawing near.

Making me want to curl into a ball and disappear,

Instead of sitting here,

And just adapting my gears.

I don't want to let them know somethings wrong,

That while talking to them is the only time I’m strong,

And as soon as there gone,

I don't know how long I will last,

Before I sink into my hole of the past,

Where bad decisions follow that.

I’m tired of constantly dealing,

With this uncontrollable feeling,

That is stealing time away from me.

It is making it hard to breathe,

Where I just want to retrieve,

Into my old habits of who has helped me before,

But that itself is another irresponsible door,

That can no long be the answer.

Because this mental cancer,

Has to be cured on my own,

Not by him over the phone.

Talking to him would put gas on the fire,

Making this feeling even more dire,

As I recall the desire,

I once had for him,

It would send me in a tailspin,

Where I would be relying on him again,

To feel something from within,

Instead of being your own heroine.

But I have to consider,

everyone has to leave sometime,

I know I'll be fine,

I just have to let them walk out the door,

Knowing I will see them more,

And that I will be okay,

That they don't have to stay,

And I will see them another day.

Because they aren't leaving me forever,

They just have to pursue other endeavors.

In order to stay sane,

And despite my pain,

I will sustain,

For another day,

Where I possibly won't feel this way.

So, hang on and breath slowly,

Because this feeling will pass,

I won't shatter like glass,

Or be thrown away like trash,

Because I am loved.

And I can just be,

And slowly remember how to breathe.