It's Name is Anxiety

Its Name is Anxiety

People say they care,

but their words run shallow,

They say that they want to see you and will be there,

But their actions never seem to follow.

I’m tired of pretending I’m alright,

That I still have that same light,

that once shined bright,

When actually I’m losing what fight,

I have left.

I’m out of breath.

Consistently living with a buzz of irritation,

Over the lack of consideration or conversations,

Because it's easy to not see past your own life,

And forget to see everyone else's battles of strife.

Even if they care,

You message box sits empty,

Not acknowledging your there,

Or that you even exist.

As if,

You have to reach out,

In order to get a lift,

To make someone see it,

Because misery,

Hides itself through other's eyes,

But is that a surprise?

If you're not bleeding on the floor,

How is anyone to know,

Or to even care,

About the dying in your eyes,

Instead of the light that should fly,

Because nothing is really there,

Unless you yourself lights the flair.

But instead, you pretend to be okay,

And just say this isn't your day,

Minimize your pain,

And then just aim,

For what you know they can handle.

The facade and deception,

You sell to others,

Is like an infection,

The intention is to smother,

Yourself,

From actually healing,

And being someone else.

The one-sided devotion,

As if I'm swimming in an ocean,

Where I trying to keep others afloat,

where they already have a lifeboat.

Where I’m sinking away to nothingness,

Where I’m drowning from my own stress.

I want to scream,

Push people away,

Purposely be mean,

Because I’m tired of feeling this way.

Because I feel alone,

And it's like I'm prone,

to everything,

Feeling like it swiftly takes over who I am,

Not even giving a damn.

Some days it feels like a dull ache,

But today it's a sharp pain,

Resilient like a stain,

No matter how hard you try to wash it away.

It's still there.

Other people's problems and thoughts,

Stick in your brain like a blood clot,

Adding extra weight onto your back,

As if they're trying to make you collapse.

It's a never winning situation,

Constantly wishing for a mental vacation,

Where you desperately need them to see you there,

But wanting them to leave you alone to be swallowed by your own fear.

But then when they show up to see me,

I’m wanting to drop to my knees,

Thinking please, please, release me,

From my mental incapacity,

Known as a disease.

As if I can do anything.

It rings in my head,

Like a bell at school,

Telling me how I should feel,

Because it makes the rules,

How I should just obey and kneel,

Before this monster inside me,

Who won't let me be free,

Its name is anxiety.