Growth

I remember the day I decided to trust

It’s the same day I fell in love

Not with a him, not with a face

But with a reality and I felt at peace and with grace

I had sewed up my heart with a golden string

A string drenched with a mistrust so great

Because I never knew love existed

A love that covered over mistakes

One that didn’t superimpose my black and grey

How I have to hide the realization that again it’s distain

But I fell in love

I fell in love

I fell in love with the feeling

The joy, the laughter, the fall, the rise, the hoping, the praying, the bitter demise, the strengthening, the reckoning, the breaking the dying, and ultimately pain that lead to even more crying but

Here at the precipice, the edge I’ve made it too

I see a light

A light

In a darkened moment I feel alive

I’m living

God I’m living

The inner child is screaming

She’s finally giving this new life a meaning

So who cares

Stay in this life or don’t

I held a requiem for the soul

She tells me it’s just a revolving door

Emotions come and go, people come and go, life takes a toil

A burden on my soul

But that’s what makes it beautiful

This crown of thorns has been adorned with a rose

And the feeling of pain doesn’t really sting anymore

I think I’ve almost risen above it all

I fell in love with life and I realized it’s alright

It’s alright to fall apart knowing at the start the absence of scars meant I hadn’t learned life

I hadn’t learned love

I hadn’t learned grace

And at the end of the day, I never truly knew pain

And I’m ok

That power is not mine

And it carries this body through space and time

And I realize the very essence of my soul is not mine

It’s a belief I’ve carried with me since I was nine

It’s the ebbing

It’s the growth

It’s the letting people go

It’s the truth

It’s the tale

It’s the battle we continue to prevail

So what’s next

Another lie, another life, another trial, another time, another smile hiding disaster, or a Gem that is adored just like an aster

My life is like a quiet disaster

But it’s a canvas painted by the masters

So beautiful

But so imperfect

With every brush stroke covering my surface

I feel the pressure

I feel the desire

I feel my sins like a burning like fire

But it’s ok

I’ve become friends with my pain

With my scars

With my flaws

And I’m ready in this moment

I’m prepared for the fall

Not for a love to catch me

Not for the ground to engulf me

But for the faith I have to carry me on the cross breeze

Carry me through this desert to the oasis that awaits

Because the love I looked for could only be given by his saving grace