For When I Close My Eyes

When the impossible becomes possible

you swallow acquiescence on reflex.

Lower your gaze.

Loosen presumptions.

Never did I dream held love for another being more than my own life,

comfortable and right as replenishing rain.

When I close my eyes,

you are a vision from life’s beginnings

slippery amniotic fluid wet and wailing.

My feelings from glowing ember to blazing fire in seconds.

Still protective of you now though not required.

Always you are my child.

Arm by instinct reaching out in front of you

hardwired into every cell.

One day,

you too may know this.

Practice makes perfect preparation for independence

we hesitate to speak of

when I have always been here reliably taken for granted

like I don’t mind,

cuz I don’t.

An ever-present ear, spare cash-maker,

advice for free and wisdom with confidence that you grass-roll-tumble up in

as the day is long.

Gentle nudges to remember that all days come to an end.

And although you won’t like it,

understand that no one does.

But I would not be your parent

if I didn’t do the uncomfortable things too.

When I close my eyes,

it will be because I’ve done all I can.

Honored terms of sacred contract agreement

that I cannot stay forever,

no matter how much I want to.

Your heaving lungs agony rip cries

tearing heaven and earth calling my name,

with nothing to soften or soothe death’s sting buried deep

in a place before time.

That was my job.

Alas, this too is my role—rehearsals

for letting go

but not leaving love.

A forever bond is a forever bond.

Death disregarded while creating space

for me to hold and heal your heart for eternity as penance

for loving you into this life.

I remember consoling tears when you quick toddler stepped,

lightning racing ahead,

giggling until getting so far and finally looking back

to find me still there.

A promissory note of things to come

I am gone but still here Sweet One,

with you forever in my sights.

Just look back.

My love strong from a distance.

Yes.

I am still there.

I appreciate your invested time to read a difficult poem.

As a parent this wasn't easy to write, but I recognise that no one escapes the 'exit' after we've entered life's doors. It has been sobering thought. I hope you can understand that this poem is not meant to be sad, but a teachable moment on the continuance of life in another form. Changing the way this transition is viewed for those it will impact the most.

It is dedicated to my Mother who always used the expression "Before I close my eyes..." to preface statements that she desired for all of her children. She left this planet in March of this year but is still loved and continues to love.

If you would like to demonstrate support of me or any of the Vocal Creators, please like and share our work. It encourages us to keep doing what we love doing.

And just in case you were wondering, tips from all written pieces are direct deposited into my bank account and are valued highly, irrespective of the amount, but only if you can manage them. The joy a writer receives from being tipped is the feelings of acknowledgment and validation. "My written voice resonated with someone!" That is what it means for me and many others. I am just as joyous when you share my work!

I welcome your questions, comments, and feedback @thedaniwriter