Existential Cynicism

How do you do this? It took over three decades for you to get where you are but this is something that shouldnt have happened. You took your time with things, you grew up faster than anyone else around you. You let others have the upper hand but what are you supposed to tell a teenager when their life flashes before their eyes? we ant all epect some miracle to happen. There is no magical click that would put you back in line with every one of these living creatures that are supposed to be part of your "community". Scared, frightened, unnerved. Feelings that a child should never have to cope with, but they do.

Being happy and "being a kid" is about doing whatever feels right that can put a smile on their face. Enjoying life and complaining about the little things that wont even matter when they are older. Expressing themself in ways that will even shock their family and friends. Yeah, that is what being a kid is about.

The ever-growing culture of society shows that adults at the time said things like "bullies is what builds character. Children will learn to defend themselves and not take things from anyone." or even, "They will le their family know whats going on and the parents will make sure their kid would be put on straight". Straight they say, humph.

This is not a tale of complaints or pity parties for some relatable outpost. Nor is this a trip down memory land for some rejuvenating success that overcomes the trials and tribulations that were bestowed upon said main character. Countless journeys that allow for growth, so many bad decisions were hidden by positive perspectives. Not hiding but exposing the corruption of societal truths. Hidden by reliable facts to spend with another, just to fall down from the skies after being juggled up high.

The hierarchy in which you jumpcooperate ladders to absorb valuable data. Like Spongebob and Patrick with high hopes so young, trying to not be Squidward in the depressing years to come. Feeling the anguish of cynicism creep up like a shadow in the morning, the sunlight building away on the other side to shine on its four way climb.

You self harm fro others to see you, life skills fade due to no one really raising you. Your codependency became like a tattoo, painted and printed for all to see, temporary happiness, until you found it hard to breathe. They let you go so you can be you, love and worship the ones that made you fun too. The hardest part is loving yourself when you're use to loving others, breaking molds while being your own mother.

Struggling to find inner peace and traquility, you attempt to do the things that make you smile happily. Stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing to find your sense of peace, the trust you find life, won't always end in release. For a moment you find a hint of its existence, but not enough to make you free. Free of the problems that burdens you, but the ability to forget the world that saddens you.

You're put on a pedestal to be the best version can be, yet the choices in life slowly kill you behind the scenes. No way up or to see the light, only get chances to feel liked. Taken out of context like a doll in a house, enjoy being played with, then put back for a month. Thoughts and prayer go out for you to believe, try harder, do harder, so you can breathe.

The Extensional Cynicism one has to be engulf in, forgets what it feels like to be happy or live life within. Sometimes takes pain to value joy. The experience of happiness that brings us back, leave your phone at home to be present amongst others and don't look back.

It's difficult to realize how much freedom you have away from the distractions of the world. A moment to yourself or a chance to catch the person you let fall. Remembering that young kid who was naive and foolish, had big hopes and dreamt of a food dish. A path that was set and ready to pursue, now changes from the lives touches by the few.