Eleven

Why did you spend the night with me?

Why did you pull my arms around you?

I’m in pain.

I am constantly in pain.

Why can’t I stop thinking about you?

This is my life now, and I don’t think it will ever change.

Everything around me moves, but I always stay the same.

The way that I’m living is getting really fucking lame.

I must be completely honest with you, I am terrified to start over with someone new.

Terrified to let them in.

Terrified to let someone get close again.

I don’t want to explain my tattoos to someone new.

Or all my scars.

I don’t want to talk about my day to someone who isn’t you.

They wouldn’t understand.

They wouldn’t listen.

They never do.

If I could forget you, I would.

It’s a sad thought, but I feel like it would be easier on both of us.

If only it were that simple.

I often get pains where my heart should be.

Maybe that’s because it’s missing, or maybe it’s the nicotine.

My mom would be really disappointed in me.

I know that I am.

I really want to hold you.

I am so sick of every day that I go without it.

I still have those fucking fish that you wanted.

I’m really glad that we didn’t adopt a kitten, now.

I am such a fucking idiot.

I’ll never fully understand why I decided to go.

Or say the things that I said.

Anger always has a way of destroying everything.

I finally got your scent out of my room.

I’d do anything to have it back.

I’m going out to dinner with a girl you know, tomorrow.

She’s a nice girl, but I don’t want to go.

I want it to be you.

I gross myself out all the time.

Weed never makes me sleep when I want to sleep.

It’s fucking frustrating.

Everything is fucking frustrating without you here.

I fucking hate it.

I hate this.

I hate not knowing you.

I hate everything, anymore.

I’m really fucking tired.