I’ve never been able to write like this before. It’s funny what pain does to the brain. Maybe it’s just the drugs. Not trying to point fingers, but my friends weren’t the ones to put me back on them.
By Julian Shoaf5 years ago in Poets
Why did you spend the night with me? Why did you pull my arms around you? I’m in pain. I am constantly in pain. Why can’t I stop thinking about you?
My mind is filled with broken promises. Pretty broken things. Like clocks that don’t tick tock. I think there might even be a couple of wedding rings.
I’m trying to survive, on a diet of rice crispy treats and marijuana. I’m not getting very far. I spent my lunch break at work sobbing in my car.
You have a tattoo for me on your side. I have a tattoo for you on the back of my arm. I wonder if it ever hurts your pride.
You talked me into going to a club with you. We went with a friend of yours. He was dating one of the bouncers, at the time.
I have nightmares every night. You are in all of them. Every single one. In some you love me, and in some we fight. In the best of them, you tell me that I’m right.
I hope my lungs collapse. I hope I don’t wake up. I hope that I crash my car, into a semi-truck. Because you were there for me, when I was at my lowest points.
Hazel. That’s all I ever see anymore. I smell you in my bed, and on my clothes. I hear your laugh in my head. What have you done to me?
I’ll keep holding my breath. Until one of us bends. Until one of us breaks and talks to the other. No matter how long it takes.
I woke up today, like every other day this month. With a huge knot in my stomach, the size of my fist. And I can’t help but feel weak.
I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough. I left because I thought I wasn’t happy with you. You weren’t giving me what I need.