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Dreams of regeneration

going where movement is slow

By F Cade SwansonPublished about a year ago 1 min read
Top Story - January 2023
Dreams of regeneration
Photo by Ferhat Deniz Fors on Unsplash

The pale blue light of the full moon

makes the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes

more obvious

as I stare at pictures of us on my phone


wanting to call you.

It's late and I've had some wine

opened a Pinot to enjoy

with the calamari we used to order together

from the Italian place on 153rd.

"Make sure they still have tentacles not just rings"

you'd insist.

Were you controlling

or just concerned that your favorite dish might change?

You never did like to feel out of control,

never did like change.

I did my best to provide stability

(or at least consistency).

Is that what you needed

or is that why you left?

I drift off to sleep,

phone in hand

your number half dialed.

Wet eyes now the size of frisbees,

I dream of being a giant squid.

Eight strong arms and two tentacles,

2,240 suction cups to hold, taste and smell you

each one with more taste receptacles than the human tongue.

Gliding through the deep blue sea,

my large eye may not catch you in the darkness,

but I will recognize you when I smell you.

I will know you when I taste you.

I will feel you when I hold you in my arms.

I glide through the water,

let the many scents of the deep flow across my arms

as I search for you.

Maybe you're hiding in a sunken shipwreck.

Maybe you've found a hidden treasure far away from me.

Maybe you will break my heart when I find you.

I know you will break my heart when I find you.

but squids have three hearts

Maybe you will resent being found,

attack me and cut off my arms.

I know you will resent me when I find you.

but squids can regenerate

Under the right circumstances

you can even chop off a squid's head

and it will grow another.

So I will continue to search for you

and I will imagine

the two of us suspended in the deep sea


where movement is slow

and my many arms are strong enough to hold you this time.

Where I am strong enough to hold you this time.

And the water is dense enough

for you to stay.

sad poetrylove poemsheartbreak

About the Creator

F Cade Swanson

Queer dad from Virginia now living and writing in the Pacific Northwest. Dad poems, sad poems, stories about life. Read more at fcadeswanson.com

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Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!

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Comments (17)

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  • Janice Dailyabout a year ago

    This poem is well written! You did such amazing job of evoking emotions in the reader and making them feel the same longing and heartbreak as the protagonist.

  • Ashley Tilly about a year ago

    I feel this deeply. Amazingly well done!

  • Devyn Marie about a year ago


  • sleepy draftsabout a year ago

    This is such a beautiful, moving piece. You've touched on such difficult emotions with so much artistry and grace. Stunning <3

  • Fiona Hamerabout a year ago

    Wonderful images

  • Stephanie J. Bradberryabout a year ago

    As the poem progress I felt myself descending into the depths of emotion so poignantly expressed here. The lines and words that show the nature of the danger of our perceived experience with other people is "Were you controlling / or just concerned". When we do not get the love we expect or our wants and needs met, we tend to have a negative view of the other person's actions until we have time to reflect on what really is at the root of what is being communicated.

  • Pleasant 💯👍

  • Seni Haksabout a year ago

    This is eloquently written a wonderful romance poem well done :)

  • Caitlin Roseabout a year ago

    You really bring together the marriage of pain and beauty... thank you

  • Veronica Coldironabout a year ago

    You have captured something here that is so precious. There's love and heartbreak... but so much hope painted with a surreal brush! GREAT poem!

  • Sarah Parisabout a year ago

    Beautiful poem! Poetry isn't typically my genre, but I loved everything about this piece :-)

  • Vadim Kaganabout a year ago

    Great poem - thank you!

  • Carol Townendabout a year ago

    This was really emotional. It's been beautifully written and expressed.

  • Melissa Ingoldsbyabout a year ago

    I feel this piece deeply

  • This comment has been deleted

  • Will Entrekinabout a year ago

    Great metaphor and execution here.

  • Caroline Janeabout a year ago

    This feels so intense... there is some love lost here! Felt this. ❤️❤️❤️

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