The pale blue light of the full moon
makes the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes
as I stare at pictures of us on my phone
wanting to call you.
It's late and I've had some wine
opened a Pinot to enjoy
with the calamari we used to order together
from the Italian place on 153rd.
"Make sure they still have tentacles not just rings"
Were you controlling
or just concerned that your favorite dish might change?
You never did like to feel out of control,
never did like change.
I did my best to provide stability
(or at least consistency).
Is that what you needed
or is that why you left?
I drift off to sleep,
phone in hand
your number half dialed.
Wet eyes now the size of frisbees,
I dream of being a giant squid.
Eight strong arms and two tentacles,
2,240 suction cups to hold, taste and smell you
each one with more taste receptacles than the human tongue.
Gliding through the deep blue sea,
my large eye may not catch you in the darkness,
but I will recognize you when I smell you.
I will know you when I taste you.
I will feel you when I hold you in my arms.
I glide through the water,
let the many scents of the deep flow across my arms
as I search for you.
Maybe you're hiding in a sunken shipwreck.
Maybe you've found a hidden treasure far away from me.
Maybe you will break my heart when I find you.
I know you will break my heart when I find you.
but squids have three hearts
Maybe you will resent being found,
attack me and cut off my arms.
I know you will resent me when I find you.
but squids can regenerate
Under the right circumstances
you can even chop off a squid's head
and it will grow another.
So I will continue to search for you
and I will imagine
the two of us suspended in the deep sea
where movement is slow
and my many arms are strong enough to hold you this time.
Where I am strong enough to hold you this time.
And the water is dense enough
for you to stay.
About the Creator
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