Day 1

Smiles of Ambiguity (Day 1)

Yet you came to me-- Intuitively. Sadly, you remind me that all of our delight is temporary.. or was.. Would you regret it all, if you read my obituary? I can't even have an ounce of faith in you, can't trust you to tie your own shoes..

Why do you give me all these compliments? Especially when I can feel they aren't in vain. Then you disappear, & I'm left with a strong feeling of incompetence.

You know I can not change you.. Yet somehow, you know how to make the world....blue. You tell me that I make time fly-- Every moment with me you feel alive.. You never leave feeling deprived..

So full of life-- We basked in our abilities to give it to each other.. Sometimes even danced in it.. Overtime.. It began to feel like your sole purpose was to leech mine away.. A guilty pleasure, an oh so salubrious attachment. & I allowed it.. Cause I felt you needed it, more than I. Maybe I loved you-- the version that was true, and the version that kept you, from you.. Even you agreed to that. You were budding with me... Next.. I boiled in resistance.

All those doubts.. Triumphed by me being so devout.. All the denials-- Coupled with the charm to make each other smile. I guess it was all-- insidious.. & So, ambiguous.