Agonizing Beauty

The World.. Mesmerizingly Beautiful

Society & its people.. A pool of agonizing beauty, & I deeply am submerged..

Yet the world stays in motion. All while keeping balance despite the harm we let it endure daily. Dastardly inspiring.

As I have grown, I learned that the universe has granted me so many homes, & they were never structures. My home resided in their voice, their eyes, and my eyes.

I have been blessed with the 5 senses, I shall demonstrate how they've assisted me in learning what home truly means to me.

Their Voice

I have always been critical, on what sounds I allow in my life. For a good period of time, I would only listen to instrumentals.

I felt a lot of the words/lyrics simply did not steer my heart towards, me... Let alone my mind.

So many years of listening to mistruths.

Combatting them alone..

Until I met, you..

Until I heard, you..

No matter how composed people say I seemed to be, these thoughts swirl around in a frenzy. But as soon as I heard you.. & your laugh..

Everything mellowed out.

Harmony was true.

A voice I am so delighted to hear throughout my day, even more of a force to wash my doubts away.

A voice I want to share my life with, because it gave life to me in return.

A voice of reason & confidence.. Lingering & Echoing in darkness & light.

No matter what I was doing, I made sure you played a part in fueling my every move.

A voice that most importantly..

Reminded me to not be crueler, than people are, or pretend to be ignorant of being.

What a sensation you are..

Massaging my mind..

Making love to my heart..

Your voice brought me back to center, from the very start.

Their Eyes.

Your Eyes...

Solace in every demise

Unveiling blessings which were previously disguised

In this time line, your eyes taught me what it meant

To truly, feel refined.

Gleaming, setting my soul ablaze..

I can stare into them for days..

& Persistently learn ways

To keep them illuminated through my grace.

Such an honor to gaze into them when you spoke.

What a treason it would be to the universe

If I didn't take the time to read

Every glimmer into the recesses of your very being

Fecundate.. Demonstrate..

Never degrade..

Was the mission, & you know I do my absolute best to stay consistent.

Society, provided my eyes visuals of ill-will

Hopelessness provoking me to remain still

Difficult to restore faith..

& Even in moments of stillness

I would criticize my awareness..

As if it were a curse..

Believe me I have felt the worst..

So hyper-aware

Forgetful of the power behind prayer..

Yet I somehow

Waltzed my way into your glare..

So worth it, but so unfair..

My home, thrives in there.

My EYES

As I have stated from the beginning.. I am submerged..

In a pool of agonizing beauty.

& I shamelessly say, I've drowned countless times..

Masochism I suppose.. Intense pleasure from going in deep..

Discovering who we as people REALLY are..

These dives have left me scathed

& My momentum slows when I am pierced

By anything that is not absolute..

Never mattered if I cried

Amidst contempt, despair, disappointment

Because this sea, uses them to supplement the livelihood of us.

An Agonizingly Beautiful Sea of Tears.

Can't help but look in retrospect on what those I love have felt, when they look into MY eyes..

Many moments, people have said..

Innocence, Jubilance, Strength, Mercilessness, Unexplainable Suffering, Clarity..

Countless more terms akin to vices & virtues..

Lust, Greed, Pride, all in my EYES.

Even more proof, that there must be some truth within..

Conscious, & subconsciously..

Recently, I decided to look into them more myself..

In the mirror

The camera of my phone as it's panned towards me

Old photos..

What was home to me then?

A serendipitous & ill-fated discovery was the gift presented..

Home lies deep in my eyes..

Those photos reveal how influential certain people were in my life then..

& Also the past emotions oh so obviously shown in them.

In Agony and Delight.

At this very moment, whatever I feel & see in my eyes, is my home..

Does not matter if it FEELS like home..

I learned that truth shall always be a notion, to bring us back to center..

Or in my case, bring us back to surface

Emerging from this pool of agony.

To those reading this.. I hope you've felt the love I have for you while gazing into my eyes.

I hope you know you've contributed in bringing me back to center..

In allowing us to surface from this Sea of Tears together..

I hope the sun was the color Violet when we emerged..

& Lastly..

I hope what I see in the world, above all else..

Is what you see in my eyes..

Mesmerizing Beauty.