Conflicting Love

I realize the hypocrisy of my actions

I utter phrases of affection and sunlight to your face

Then in confronting my fears let the shade of my character overcome me

It travels up my body like a cancerous invader

Stopping at every moment it can to feed off my past mistakes

The times I've hurt those I love the most

The times I lashed out in spite

The skin it touches becomes frosted from the cold

The mind I'm trapped in becomes oddly unfamiliar

There's no escaping this cold feeling

It sends shivers through my body colder than the breeze that passes through my hollow rib cage

Emptied of all life, only weighed down by my guilty conscience

Somehow the warmth of your words found their way into my body

Overcoming me like that first sip of coffee in the morning

Every word a drug

Every touch is fuel to rid myself of this undying sense of inadequacy

Its become difficult to tell the difference between dreams and reality

Between story and allegory

Between infatuation and the allure of your giving heart